Holly Humberstone: ‘I stopped overthinking things and my house became the inspiration’

Holly Humberstone is a breakthrough artist who’s worked with Matt Healy and Lewis Capaldi, but returning to her crumbling childhood home helped ground her and inspired her new music, she writes

Holly Humberstone: ‘I realised that we can be even more creative with the people and things around us’ (Press)

There have been a lot of changes in my life recently and although change is necessary, it has often felt like my childhood is slipping away from me. Prior to lockdown, I spent two years feeling a bit lost, living solo in Liverpool and then in London. The whole experience was alienating and it was quite easy to lose a sense of who I was among it all. Everything to do with my music career was going well, but ultimately I was missing from my own life.

I definitely have a strong sense of not wanting to leave home because of a fear of growing up. It’s not teen anxiety, it’s just that I find it hard to let go of the nostalgia and childhood comfort that I associate with that house. My childhood home is this weird old house in the countryside, in Grantham, and it’s falling down around us. It’s a magical place, and where I wrote the whole of my first EP last year, Falling Asleep at the Wheel. The sounds of the house inspired its wonky sonics. 

My family are a very tight-knit group – I have three sisters and we’re all pretty much the same person. It’s been really sad in the past few years that we’ve all been living different lives in different parts of the country, and haven’t had the opportunity to see each other. But during lockdown my sisters and I all moved back home, and it was just like how it was when we were kids. We always had so much fun growing up together in this house and it was always such a creative space. Lockdown, for all of its flaws, actually gave us an opportunity to do all the things we used to do together again, which I’ve really treasured: going for late-night walks out in the countryside with head torches, bonfires in the garden, and watching films on the projector. Coming home is one of the only things keeping us all connected.

Coming back home also gave me the chance to look inward and really think about how I want to be living my life when everything settles again. It’s been a really grounding experience and has reminded me not to take everything so seriously. Previously, I really struggled to focus on myself and not be constantly comparing myself to others’ progress and life achievements on social media. It’s one of the few ways of communicating with the outside world, especially as a musician with fans in different places, but can also be really detrimental to an artist’s mental health. Being home, I was reminded of what really matters.

This period has, however, been difficult in terms of finding inspiration. I’m usually the most creative and productive when I’m busy jumping on trains through the night, to and from places, working or seeing friends. I find I’m able to write my best music when I’m really overstimulated by life. The pressure of trying to write music at home was daunting. But after a few weeks I stopped overthinking things and my house became the inspiration. The smell of Mum’s cooking, the noises of my sisters being home, and waking up to natural light all became creatively invigorating.

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The same went for my visuals, too. There was no way of getting a film crew to mine to shoot music videos during Covid-19, so my sister Eleri took me out into the forest near our home at night and had me perform my song while chasing her through the forest. I love how scrappy and home-made the video looks, and it was probably the most fun I’ve had filming anything. I realised that we can be even more creative with the people and things around us. Since then I’ve been releasing all my music and videos through lockdown – I even performed on Jimmy Kimmel Live! from home. It’s been such a crazy experience.

Now as lockdown slowly comes to a close, my family home is also writing the last chapter of its own story. We’d been told last summer that we might be forced to leave because the house is crumbling down around us, and now that is quickly becoming a reality. We’ve probably got another six months left until we have to move. Mushrooms have started growing out of the walls due to the damp, and panes of glass are falling out of the windows. It’s a very old house, with a cellar that has meat hooks on the wall. Its quirkiness has shaped me and my music. All of my childhood memories are in this house and it almost feels like a seventh family member to us, and so letting go is really painful and weird. 

I wrote a song in September last year called “Haunted House”, just after we’d been told that we needed to leave. I feel like it’s a fitting tribute to the home and everything it means to me. We have a family friend who has supernatural powers and whenever she’s round, she says that she can feel the ghosts in the house and it got me thinking that if there really are ghosts here, then they must be nice, nurturing ones that have watched over my sisters and me as we’ve grown up.

As much as I never want to leave, I really believe that it’s not where you are but who you’re with that is important. As long as I remain close with my family and my three sisters then I’ll be okay. There is a lot to be afraid of, leaving home, but equally lots of opportunities and experiences to be had out in the world. We have all been craving new perspectives and a different horizon, and now it’s almost time.

Haunted House is out on 6 April via Polydor