Lyric Sheets

Thursday 23 December 1993 00:02 GMT

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Noddy Holder's Sacred Hat

By Noddy Holder's sacred hat

In mirror discs adorning that

The platform boots, the gaudy checks

The ruddy roughened cheeks convex

And mutton-chopped from ear to chin

In cheery Midland rustic grin

Nostalgia in the beery glow

Of Christmas 20 years ago

But once you heard you understood

That nothing else could be as good

The brimstone larynx of the devil

On the boy they christened 'Neville'

Wrong Number

Bono phoned me up

And I was painting

Said, 'Is that Bill Clinton?'

I said, 'No

It's Mr Arthur Harris

A builder based in Chelmsford

I'm doing up my sister's bungalow'

Bono said, 'Come off it Mr Clinton

There's several hundred thousand

people here.

I'm speaking from the stage

This is Zooropa]'

'Ah,' I said

'You didn't sound too clear

I suggest you try the operator

Not some bloke who's doing DIY

Furthermore, your last LP was rubbish'

'Thank you Mr Harris -

And goodbye.' Click, brrrrr

Linda McCartney's Pies

Paul McCartney in the kitchen

Helping Linda with her pies

Looked up from a finished pie-top

Gazed into his partner's eyes

Saying, 'Since the Beatles finished

Critics claim my tunes are limper

Is this how my world has ended?

Not with a twang - but with a crimper?'

There Goes Non-Rhyming Garfunkel

Awkward on the record sleeves

Haircut wasn't right

Candy-floss-on-rugby-ball

Not a pretty sight

Known for singing very high

Caught the acting habit

Followed with a solo smash

Song about a rabbit

Then a brief re-union

Now a brand new start

Some reviewers say it's pop

Ah, but is it Art?

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