How to be happy at work: Become ‘socially fit’

In her regular column, business founder and wellness expert Nicola Elliott looks at one thing we can all do that will make our nine to five feel happier and healthier

Friend zone: taking time to maintain relationships will make the world of difference (iStock)

The results from the longest-ever study on happiness are in. Harvard University’s research, which started in 1938, has collected 75 years of data on human development in a bid to seek answers about what it truly means to be content.

The researchers took a group of 724 boys in two different cohorts – one group was made up of Harvard undergraduates and the other included individuals from the poorest social demographics and disadvantaged backgrounds. Over a lifetime, they have studied them, asking a myriad of questions relating to health and happiness.

Although there are only 90 of the original men left, data is now incorporated from their partners and children, which means over 2,000 people have been studied to date. Pretty comprehensive. 

Researchers were curious to discover the answer to one important question: “Where should you put your time and effort in life if you want to have a healthy and happy life?”

I’ll skip to the answer. People are happiest and healthiest when they have good, warm relationships with others. Why? Because good relationships and connections at work and home are stress regulators, buffering us against the daily troubles we all experience.

It turns out happiness really is healthiness, primarily because of the decrease in chronic inflammation which happens when we are stressed and is a known cause of many diseases of ageing. If we can’t reach out to anyone and live in isolated lonely environments, our bodies are inclined to stay in “fight or flight mode” for longer, on a far more regular basis.

So what kind of relationships are most important? You need someone you can call in the middle of the night if you are sick or scared. Someone who you trust as a good sounding board. Someone you can be authentic with, be yourself with in the most essential way, because ultimately, we need to feel known and seen. Keeping up a facade is exhausting and stressful. You just need to feel that someone in your life that you are confident has your back.

You can still be an introvert, but everyone needs at least a couple of connections. Tune in to what makes you feel energised – a quiet conversation can work just as well as going out in a group – this is totally personal to you.

And this often changes over a lifetime, we mainly learn our social skills growing up from families and school, but it isn’t set in stone and can shift with age.

“Social fitness” is therefore something strongly advocated – make time and effort to connect. It’s something you should actively see as a practice to maintain. Relationships don’t take care of themselves, they need tending to, so reconnecting with old contacts or even loose acquaintances is hugely beneficial. 

As part of the Harvard study, two cohorts within the group were asked to spend time talking to strangers on their commute, which had a huge positive impact on their daily wellbeing. This is one of the biggest takeaways: get comfortable with chatting to anyone and everyone, because small actions on the tube or coffee shop create a significant ripple effect for you and others. 

And finally, when they asked people at 80 what they were most proud of it was never the big achievements, fame or money-orientated wins. It was always the strength and warmth of their relationships.

Answers such as “I’ve been a good mentor” or “a great friend or parent” were consistently top. Learning to accept a “this too shall pass” attitude was also the most significant marker for happiness and resilience.

Because the common thread in the world’s longest human study was that there was not a single participant who hadn’t experienced some sort of struggle throughout their lives. And, as we know, the lessons we learn on the journey are often more interesting than how we feel when we get to our destination.

Nicola Elliott is the founder of NEOM and her book ‘The Four Ways to Wellbeing: Better Sleep. Less Stress. More Energy. Mood Boost’ is published by Penguin