Meghan Markle’s virtue signalling over her children is insensitive (at best)

The ex-working royals have been on a whistle-stop PR tour of Nigeria – but it was the Duchess of Sussex revealing she was ‘missing her babies’ that pushed Caroline Brown over the edge. You wouldn’t catch the late Queen doing it...

Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, in Lagos during their private tour of Nigeria (AFP via Getty Images)

Clearly, Harry and Meghan are great parents and are extremely proud of their children. But as a proud mother myself, who also has to travel away from home, the idea of missing my kids (while true) is not something I make a huge song and dance about – especially not when I’m at work.

That’s why I was surprised to hear such a sentiment from the Duchess of Sussex, who spoke out on her and Harry’s private, three-day tour of Nigeria to promote the Invictus Games (which was a masterclass in grabbing headlines).

As well as kind words and photo-ops, there was plenty of personal revelation – and Meghan duly explained during an event on women in leadership how a genealogy test had shown that she is 43 per cent Nigerian, and how it was “humbling” to learn about her heritage during a visit to “my country”. While in Lagos, she also talked about finally fulfiling her dream of becoming a parent, and spoke warmly about her “very chatty, sweet children”, Archie, who is now five and Lilibet, who turns three next month.

Which is when she memorably added that she was “missing her babies”.

I’m surprised – a 72-hour trip away from the kids would sound like a dream, for many parents – particularly when most of the “quasi-royal” duties appear to include being greeted by adoring crowds and beamed around the world. Harry and Meghan appeared relaxed at charity events, giving gushing speeches and sharing high-fives. The Sussexes were at their “soft power”-broking best: using their A-list celebrity to highlight causes they care about, namely mental health and the rehabilitation of wounded veterans.

So, why the (dare I call it virtue signalling?) statement about missing the kids?

To me, it feels indulgent; even insensitive to rub motherhood in the faces of those they were meeting-and-greeting, without knowing their personal circumstances. Some may not have children, some may have lost them to disease, poverty and even death. Recent reports on Nigeria show that 24.56 per cent of children exist in extreme poverty by living in households that spend less than $1.90 a day. Nigeria was also listed among the top five countries with the highest under-five mortality rate in 2019.

So, in a country where child death and child poverty is a national issue, I can’t help but ask: what is the relevance of Meghan confessing she’s “missing her kids”? And couldn’t she have a little more consideration for those who are feeling the permanent loss of their own?

"Being a mom has always been a dream of mine,” she said during the address on Mother’s Day. “And I’m so fortunate that we have two beautiful, healthy, very chatty, sweet children. I love being a mom – I love being a mom.”

While visiting a school in Abuja, the Duchess also opened up to a group of children about how her daughter is growing up fast. “Our daughter, Lili, she’s much, much tinier than you guys. She’s about to turn three. And a few weeks ago she looked at me and she would just see the reflection in my eyes. And she [goes]: ‘Mama, I see me in you.’”

For goodness sake, she’s there to talk about charity, not prove to the world she’s a great mum (though of course, I’m sure that she is). And while it all sounds very sweet, the truth is: their children are safe back in Montecito with a nanny, being cared for (even spoiled). And the couple are away for days, not weeks or months. By all means, feel it – but don’t say the quiet part out loud.

As is so often the case, Queen Elizabeth got it right. She was never one for “missing her babies” while on public duty. Within five months after her coronation in 1953, she and the Duke of Edinburgh were on a six-month tour of the Commonwealth on the royal yacht. Starting in Jamaica and ending in Uganda, the itinerary involved stop-offs in Fiji and Tonga, Ceylon and Aden, with month-long stays in New Zealand and Australia, where she visited more than 70 towns on the royal train. Christmas 1953 was spent in Auckland, Her Majesty recording her annual address at Government House.

Only in May 1954, when the royal couple arrived in Malta, on their way home, were they reunited with five-year-old Charles and Anne, three. The children were greeted with handshakes.

Yes, it’s an old-fashioned way of doing things – and not one that would work today. But it’s proof you don’t have to make your kids the centre of the world – or wax lyrically so publicly about them.

Think, for a moment, of those who sacrifice great chunks of time with their children to fulfil duties of different kinds: from the mothers who work nights just to put their kids through school and university, to the Afghan heroes forced to leave their families behind while they fight alongside British troops.

At best, it’s a tad insensitive. At worst, it’s virtue-signalling. A little bit of self-awareness wouldn’t go amiss. Mirror mirror, on the wall: who is the fairest mother of all...?