Denise Van Outen on talking to her teenage daughter about her future: It’s easy to feel ‘panicked’ as a parent
The TV star and DJ wants to help her daughter find her own ‘passion’ in life – but where do you start? By Lisa Salmon.
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Your support makes all the difference.With performers Denise Van Outen and Lee Mead as parents, it’d be easy to think 14-year-old Betsy Mead was destined for a showbiz career.
But although she’s got a “lovely” singing voice, her mum – Essex-born actress, singer and presenter Van Outen – says her daughter has no idea what career path she wants to follow yet, and she doesn’t intend to push her into anything she doesn’t really want.
“I was born with jazz hands, because I practically came out of the womb in the splits,” saysVan Outen, 50, who is now also known for appearances on Celebrity Gogglebox and her work as a DJ.
“My career path was pretty much set in stone from a really young age, because I was one of those all-singing, all-dancing kids. So I ended up doing the whole drama school route and never really questioned what I wanted to do for a career.
“But my daughter, she’s a different personality. She’s got different likes, different interests, so who am I to force upon her what she should do as her career?”
Like most parents, Van Outen – who met Betsy’s dad, theatre star Lee Mead, in 2007 when he won the TV talent competition Any Dream Will Do, on which she was a judge (they married in 2009 but eventually split in 2013) – wans her daughter to discover her own passions in life.
“It would be very easy for me to just say, do what I do and what your dad does, but that may not be the right thing for her,” she continues. “Betsy still doesn’t really know what she wants to do, and I’ve never pushed her into it, because I was thinking – am I limiting her ability and opportunity to do something else that she may really love? You’ve got to think for them, what do they want to do? What’s their passion?”
That’s why rather than feeling “overwhelmed and panicked” about advising her teenager on the multitude of educational courses and career options available, Van Outen has teamed up with Talking Futures on a campaign highlighting what’s on offer to young people these days.
She’s made a short film to accompany it, which addresses how parents’ own experiences of their time at school could be limiting their child’s future options.
“Being a mum to a 14-year-old, this is very relevant to my life at the moment – not just to me, but all my friends that’ve got kids of a similar age,” says Van Outen. “Not every kid knows what they want to do, and I think a lot of us come from a generation where we don’t really know how to advise our kids about career paths, and you can get a bit panicked and a bit overwhelmed by everything.”
Recent research by Talking Futures, which helps parents talk to their 11-18-year-olds about education and career options, found more than half (58%) of parents admit they don’t fully understand the range of qualifications now available, with 29% believing university degrees are the only way for their teens to be successful.
Yet these days there’s a range of new options for young people – from T-levels, which include industry placements, to apprenticeships in a huge variety of professions, such as paralegal, paramedic or even counter-fraud investigation.
The research also found 70% of parents feel overwhelmed by the difference in courses and qualifications available today compared to when they were at school, with 61% admitting they don’t always know how best to guide their kids when it comes to their future options.
“The campaign is taking pressure off parents and helping them open up conversations with their children about where they can go,” says Van Outen. “Then they can say: ‘Look, have you thought of this? Think outside the box a little bit – you don’t have to do what we as parents do and follow our footpath, there are other opportunities for you’.
It takes that pressure off of feeling completely overwhelmed, not just for the parents but for the kids as well...
“Sometimes you’re not really aware of what those opportunities are, and that’s why I like this campaign, because there’s a place to go where you can get advice and understand a bit more about what’s on offer,” she adds. “So it takes that pressure off of feeling completely overwhelmed, not just for the parents but for the kids as well.”
She explains that their daughter has dyslexia and has sat back a year at school after she didn’t get the specialist support she needed during the lockdowns.
“She missed out on a lot of her education because she couldn’t have the help that she needed online, when everyone was doing home-schooling,” says Van Outen. “That’s the other thing that’s come into play, and that’s why she’s sort of panicking.”
A showbusiness career might not be completely off the cards, though. As Van Outen adds proudly: “She actually has got a really good singing voice, a lovely voice, and she does singing at school. She said she doesn’t know if that’s what she wants to do as a career, but she’s got a natural gift there.
“I’ve said to her – you’ve got to just do the thing you feel really passionate about. Something else, another opportunity, could present itself to her. She may end up working in showbusiness, but I don’t know.
“That’s the easy option, really, for me to say do that, because it’s what I did. But I think I’d like for her to have her eyes opened as well, and explore a bit further and see what else she could do.”
The broadcaster – who recently finished filming the second series of the Channel 4 supermarket show Secrets Of… and is currently working on various projects, including running a DJ business with a friend – says she’s been a single parent for most of Betsy’s life. However, she stresses: “I’ve got brilliant relationship with her dad, and he’s a really good dad.
“But because it’s just been me and Betsy a lot of the time on our own, we have a really good, solid relationship, which is lovely, and I do feel like it gives me the opportunity to sit and have conversations with her.
“Don’t get me wrong, it’s a bit more tricky now, because like all teenagers, she likes to be in her bedroom away from me, but I grab those moments when I can and try and have these conversations with her, because I think it’s really important.
“And even if you’re not taking action about career paths at this stage, at 14, at least you’re planting a seed, which I also think is really important.”
Denise Van Outen has partnered with the Talking Futures campaign to help parents talk to their 11-18-year-olds about education and career options. Visit talkingfutures.org.uk