Your stars: It could happen

Poppy Folly
Saturday 20 February 1999 00:02 GMT
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Why are no more poets born under Pisces? Well, that shows how much you know: the sign is swimming in poets, actors, drunks and even more generally disabled defectives like Patty Hearst and Sam Peckinpah and Cardinal Newman and everyone else who fell in love with unsavoury maniacs just because of their firepower. Why else would Ivana Trump have chosen to be born under Pisces?

There is a famous incompetence about this sign; it is said they have all the structure of a glass of water without the glass. That's why Robert "Madwoman's Breakfast" Altman is born here, and also that feckless Mexican who eventually managed to massacre the Alamo garrison (but lost control of the movie rights and died in poverty).

Unsurprisingly, it's the sign of psychic knowledge, of the highest spiritual abilities. Here we find Meher Baba, the Indian mystic who coined the phrase Don't Worry Be Happy (he also lost control of the royalties and has thereby assured his place in the pantheon of heaven), and Orde Wingate, one of the few British mystics, one who expressed the unity of the universe by cutting off his enemies' ears and walking his elephants over what was left when they refused to answer questions. "You can't hear because you're not listening!" was said to be the mantra the hero shrieked, even through the act of love.

On the other hand, when Pisceans go the wrong way they are irredeemable - look at Robert Mugabe and Teddy Kennedy. Look at premier Noboru Takeshita (whose name is pronounced very differently from the way it's spelt). Think about Schopenhauer! Consider Lord Baden-Powell in bed with WH Auden and Anais Nin! Think about Robert Wadlow who grew to nearly nine feet before dying at the age of 22!

Pisces is never capable of surprising us, because we expect anything from them, and finally that's why we're always disappointed.

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