You ask the questions

(Such as: Penelope Leach, if you discovered one of your children smoking dope what would you do?)

Childcare expert Penelope Leach, 61, is the award-winning author of the classic guide to parenting, Baby and Child, which has sold over three million copies in 29 languages. Leach studied history at Cambridge and trained as a research psychologist in London. She currently works as an Honorary Senior Research Fellow at London's Royal Free and University College Medical School. She has two grown-up children and lives in north London with her husband.

Where did the Queen go wrong with her children? What advice would you have given her when she sent Charles to Gordonstoun?

Anita Hughes, Horsham

It must be difficult to have a close relationship with your child as well as a nation. Don't do it, your Majesty!

Is there anything you regret in the way you brought up your own children? Would you have done anything differently in retrospect?

Michelle Eyre, Milton Keynes

Like most parents, I regret being as uptight as I was - getting fussed about issues of the day. In hindsight (that useful stuff), I know almost everything comes out in the wash and I'd have saved a lot of energy just having a great time.

Is there too much pressure on women to have children?

Angela Summers, Cheshire

Any pressure is too much pressure. Biological clocks and putative fathers are bad enough without other people getting in on the act.

My son is four years old and even though I don't want to get pregnant again, I feel he would benefit from a sibling. Should I have another?

Melanie King, Newquay.

I think the only good reason for having a child - first, second or third - is that you (and, preferably, your partner) passionately want not a pregnancy, or a baby, but a child.

Were your children difficult or easy babies?

Becky Thomas, Winchester

Easy babies - responsive, funny and gorgeous (both); Tricky toddlers (especially one); no-problem teenagers (both; sorry but it's true).

If you'd found one of your children smoking cannabis in their bedroom what would you do?

Sophie Mitchell, Torquay

It would have depended on which child and when. But I would have stressed that it's against the law. I think the law can be a useful support to parents - eg, in trying to persuade children to go to school, not marry married men three times their age and other horrors that may arise.

Do you feel guilty for putting pressure on mothers to be the "perfect nurturer"? Why can't we just rely on instincts?

Chris Allen, Peterborough

If a book, mine or anyone else's, makes you feel guilty or inadequate or uncomfortable, for heaven's sake bin it. I don't feel guilty because publishing a book merely makes it available: nobody has to buy it. Newspaper headlines and TV soundbites are far harder to escape.

I resent having to get up each night to breast-feed while my partner sleeps through oblivious. I've started waking him up too while the baby is feeding. Is that justified?

Laura James, Beeston

Justified by or for whom? If it's what your partnership needs - fine. If it makes you feel better but not him, you'll have to sort it out between you. But if your baby was in bed with you both, nobody would have to get up.

Can one parent ever be better than two?

Gaby Phillips, Manchester

Yes. Parenting is a matter of quality, not just quantity. Of course, two good parents are better than one, but if one of the two parents is abusive, violent or coldly critical, the other parent has a far better chance of making a safe, warm, supportive home for the children as a lone parent.

Can children be inherently bad?

Gina Mayhew, Camden, London

I don't think I believe that anyone can be inherently bad because what is called bad depends so much on culture and circumstances (one nation's or one era's hero is another's mass murderer.).

Children who seem "bad" weren't born that way. They're the result of an unfortunate combination of circumstances including their unique genetic inheritance, particular experiences (in the womb, during birth and after) and perhaps an uncomfortable fit with the personalities, wishes and expectations of particular parents.

Do you believe smacking can ever be justified?

Helen Jones, Norbury

If you smack a child who is - for example - pulling a baby's nose, she'll stop and cry. You've vented some tension, done the mother-tiger bit for your youngest and won a battle of wills with the wilful toddler. On that superficial level smacking is rewarding and, since most parents were smacked when they were children, it may seem obvious too. Justifiable is different. Every generation does the best it can by its children; our parents thought it was right to smack us but the last 20 years has taught us to aim for no violence at all in families. Most parents actually don't try to justify smacking. Ask if they smack as part of thoughtful loving discipline and they'll tell you, "I smack when I've lost it."

What attracted you to devoting your career to childcare?

Amy Stephen, St Helens

I didn't devote my career to childcare. I devoted it to research psychology, specifically child development. The childcare bit came when I added my own children into the mix and discovered the (then) enormous gulf between professionals and parents. I wasn't comfortable straddling that gulf and I've been working since to help close it up.

Do you think one parent should be at home if a child is under three?

Emma Doughty, Blackheath, London

Babies and very young children need to be cared for within a small magic circle of intimates, people with whom they're on blowing-raspberries-against- the-belly terms. It doesn't matter whether that's "at home" or not, or whether it's a parent, another relative or friend.

Is there one piece of legislation that would improve family values?

Maxine Heath, Solihull

The creation of a Minister for Children, with Cabinet-level teeth.

Parenting classes seem very in vogue - do you think they work?

Anne Hutton, Southampton

That kind of peer group support can be very valuable, and where there are specific problems - like combative toddlers or argumentative teenagers - talking through different ways of coping can help people break out of stale or destructive patterns and find fresh ways forward.

Do you think it's harder to bring up children now than it was 20 years ago?

Sara Agnelli, Hull

Everyone always thinks the past was better than the present but I'll still answer "probably", because this is a society where being a parent is actually a disadvantage. Even if all the men and women in a firm work the same hours and earn the same money, the parents have to stretch their free time and their money to cover children's needs as well as their own, so at every level of income and accomplishment, parents are busier and poorer than non-parents.

How would you describe a "good" parent?

Will Norman, Hove

I wouldn't.

Can men and women ever be equal when it comes to who gets left with the baby?

Susie Stirling, Oxfordshire

Yes. The fact that they mostly aren't in no way suggests they cannot be.

What is your defence for child- centred rearing?

Sue Martins, North Yorkshire

Why should I have to defend it? I'd like a world where everyone who chooses to have a child is to some extent child-centred (after all, we've all been one).

Why do you find child development so interesting?

Christine Wood, Sussex

To me it has always seemed fascinating how children turn from blobs of genetic material into chattering, scampering people in two years flat. I still find them fascinating - my own, my grandchildren and other people's.