What's wrong with vindictive wives?

I HAVE read with incredulity the rubbish, mostly written by fortysomething men up to no good I am sure, that has followed in the wake of the book by Margaret Cook (dump the surname - Margaret) about her marriage to Robin Cook, and the ignoble end at Heathrow airport of that period of her life. It is personal, they say - vindictive, vengeful and embittered.

Yes. What else is someone in her position supposed to feel? You may persuade yourself that you will try not to show these feelings, because the world will love and respect you less for this than if you pretend a saintly forgiveness, of the sort that Hillary Clinton has now made her own. But burning hurt and rage are what you feel, and revenge ( preferably divine) is what you yearn for. Ask me - I know, and I wrote an emotional book about it.

What gets these commentators really foaming is not only that the partner of a famous or powerful person should be so weak as to respond in these human ways, but that she or he should then reveal this vulnerability. They have nothing to say about the public figure flaunting the new model in the media, thus further humiliating the ex-partner. But they do sanctimoniously ask whether it is right for someone as insignificant as a spouse to expose the private life of a politician, or whoever, and cause them damage.

Wrong question, sirs. You should instead ask whether the partner of a public figure has the same rights as you or me to say and write what they wish about their lives, especially when they have been maltreated. Or are they expected to render their pain invisible just to keep up appearances?

Writing, as the playwright David Edgar said this week, is a fundamental and universal human right. It is also a "vital part of being human to try to understand why other human beings - nasty as well as nice - behave as they do". Other criticisms don't stand up, either.

If Dr Cook has said things that have alarmed her ex-husband's colleagues because of political implications, why should this be any more outlandish and unethical than the dirt-digging carried out by Paul Routledge and other unauthorised biographers? Maybe it is because she is not a seedy political chap hanging out with Charlie Whelan, but a fragrant wife, "a slight and delicate creature" (the clever title of her book) who should be coping with her knowledge by devoting herself to nurturing a bonsai tree.

As for the ludicrous worries that if we scrutinise public figures in this way the best people will simply avoid public life, we should be more concerned that these ambitious and able people will fail to get the best partners in life - because anyone with personality, intellect and self- respect will refuse to sign away their rights and become trophies of compliance - thus leaving the selection pool bubbling with bland secretaries and too-eager-to-please personal assistants.

We used to laugh and cry at the appalling loyalty displayed by Tory wives and ex-wives in the inglorious past. Remember Mrs David Mellor as she was forced to smile for photographers after the dreadful revelations about her philandering husband - who then left her anyway for a rich woman with deadly red lipstick. Recall, too, the depressing good behaviour of Mrs Tim Yeo and Mrs Alan Clark as they stood by their men, partly, I imagine, because they felt they had no other options.

You would have hoped that Labour men and women, although clearly not able to resist sexual temptation any more than the last lot, might be more democratic and fair in the way they dealt with those they betrayed and left after many years of good service. And if this is indeed "new" Britain, which is more open and receptive to emotion, as everyone from Martin Jacques to Susie Orbach seems to be suggesting, we should rejoice that people like Margaret Cook are no longer hampered by the pressures of out-of-date, unjust social constraints.

Margaret is a thoroughly modern, bright, professional, emotionally honest woman, who has written a lively account of a survivor who saw it all her way, at least after Robin flew away. Like Diana, Princess of Wales, she refused to read out the part written for her by someone else. She wanted it put down as it happened, from her point of view.

If Robin Cook wants to do the right thing now and come out shining, all he has to do is praise his ex-wife for having the courage to do what she has done, say that he can understand how he has made her feel, tell his boys to respect their wonderful mother, and wish her well with all his heart.