United Kingdom of dance: If the capital's clubs are too cool for comfort, the rest of the country is steaming on a Saturday night, says James Collard

THERE'S a feeling that London's nightclubs aren't what they used to be.

Opinion is divided as to why. The top DJ Smokin' Jo thinks that 'London's had it too good, too long. People stroll into clubs at one o'clock, and start club-hopping if they don't like the place. In the North, clubs start and finish early, so people just get down to it,' she says.

Nick Raphael from the frocked DJ duo Trannies With Attitude agrees: 'The atmosphere up North is much better. People can't just move on, they have make a club work, so they build up an atmosphere.'

So a trip to any of the thriving regional clubs might be just the thing to titillate tired palates. This is just a small sample of the UK club scene and most of the clubs here, if not mixed gay and straight, are certainly accepting of all comers.

BELFAST: Vicious at The Venue, Bruce Street. First Saturday of the month, 9pm-1.30am. pounds 7.

The team from Edinburgh's mega-successful Burger Queen bring the fabulous world of mixed clubbing and a softer garage/house sound to the Belfast scene. Early days yet, but Vicious looks set to be a winner.

BIRMINGHAM: Fun at The Steering Wheel, Wrottesley Street. Saturdays, 10pm-late. pounds 8.

London clubbers arriving at Fun could be forgiven for thinking that they'd come to Glam circa 1992, when the legendary promoter Jenni Rampling maintained quality control by being strict, oh so strict: 'Any more pretty girls? Stop pushing. If there's any more queens put your hands up.' Well, inside it may not quite be Glam, but something good has come to Birmingham, with extravagant sets, handbag house and a scattering of trannies.

Hype at Tin Tin's, 308 Bullring Centre, Smallbrook, Queensway. pounds 5/ pounds 10.

Birmingham's answer to London's Trade, the crowd is queer, the music fiercely techno, and the mood delightful. Straight boys take techno seriously, but queens dance much more ironically. There's still some air punching but you can almost see the quotation marks. Best of all are the camp little vacuum cleaner motions when a techno DJ starts playing 'hoover music'.

Miss Moneypenny's, Bonds, Hampton Street. Saturday, 9.30pm-late. pounds 8.50.

One of Britain's high-profile mixed, straightish clubs. The music is sassy, with big-name DJs such as Danny Rampling, Jon Pleased and Al Mackenzie turning out party tunes. Gorgeous people having a good time - what could be nicer?

BRIGHTON: Wild Fruit at Paradox, 78 West Street. First Monday of month.

10pm-2am. pounds 6.

There's something refreshing about a fab night out that relies for its pulling poweron a sort of indigenous joie de vivre. Brighton's a hike for Londoners but queens, like hostess trolleys, should have wheels.

BRISTOL: Revolution at Lakota, 6 Upper York Street. Saturday, 9.30pm-4am.

pounds 7/8.

In Revolution the West has a top club, with a commitment to star DJs such as Paul Oakenfold. Mixed crowd.

DUBLIN: Pod, Old Harcourt Street Train Station, Harcourt Street.

Friday/Saturday 11pm- 2.30am. pounds 6/8.

Not everyone loves Pod. It's been called snooty and clique-ish, but the sound system is amazing and even its worst enemies couldn't deny that the venue is exceptional - comfortable and great to look at. It attracts good DJs too - Frankie Knuckles and David Morales. Dressy.

GLASGOW: Love Boutique at The Arches, Midland Street. First Saturday of month, 10.30pm-3am. pounds 7.

Promoter Graeme Thompson has done something outstanding with this monthly one-nighter. Jon Pleased Wimmin, who plays all over Europe (in a dress), claims Love Boutique is one of the best clubs anywhere in the UK. Pioneering club for a mixed crowd. Sexy.

HUDDERSFIELD: Hard Times at Bel-Air, Queen Street South. Saturdays, 9pm-late. pounds 6/8.

One of the UK's great garage clubs is to be found in the picturesque setting of a former church. Kenny Carpenter, master-mixer CJ Mackintosh, Junior Boys Own's Pete Heller, Todd Terry and other big names play to a dressy, mainly straight crowd from all over the UK.

LEEDS: Vague at the Warehouse, 19-21 Somers Street. Saturday, 10pm-4am.

pounds 6/8.

Camp and as uninhibited as a Brazilian trannie on her ninth tequila, Vague is arguably the best mixed club around. The music is handbag - the carpet slippers end of house music - and the mood is showtime. Trannies With Attitude play heavenly tunes, and everyone starts the evening looking glam and ends looking messy. Totally gorgeous.

LIVERPOOL: Cream at Nation, Wolstenholme Square. Saturday, 9.30-2am. pounds 5/7.

The DJ line-ups at Cream are excellent. Their recent weekend, Double Cream, featured David Morales, Paul Oakenfold, Graeme Park, Jeremy Healey, Sasha, Andrew Weatherall behind the decks. In the small (but international) club scene these people are icons - heroes of the mixing decks. Nation is a nice sprawling venue, though it occasionally seems that there are more scallies than beautiful people.

MANCHESTER: Hallelujah at The Paradise Factory, 112-116 Princess Street.

Saturday, 10pm-late. pounds 7/5.

Factory Records' old offices have found a new use as Manchester's leading gay club. Hallelujah makes the most out of a fine venue and fills it to the rafters every week. The resident DJs include Tim Lennox, Dave Booth and the brilliant Dave Kendrick, and the mood is pure party.

MIDDLESBROUGH: Sugar Shack at The Empire, Corporation Road. Friday, 9.30pm-2.30am. pounds 5/6.

Middlesbrough has a strong club culture. London boy Richard 'went to Sugar Shack expecting a load of rednecks, and there were all these nicely dressed people having a nice time'. The resident DJs Alan Appleton and Dave Moore, are joined by big-name guests such as Smokin' Jo and Jeremy Healey.

NOTTINGHAM: The Garage at 41 St Mary's Gate, Lacemarket. Saturday 9pm-late.

pounds 7/8.

Nottingham has a tradition of sophisticated clubbing. Venus used to attract people from London as well as the Midlands, and though it is no more, Nottingham still has an excellent club scene. Garage is a great dance club for gays and straights alike. 'What I love about clubbing in Nottingham,' says Emma, a local student, 'is that the people are so friendly. They'll give you their last cigarette, look after you if you're a bit messy. In London there's too much attitude.'

STOKE: Golden at The Academy, Glass Street, Hanley. Saturday, 9pm-2am.

pounds 8/10.

Long-standing, award-winning club. Golden is dressy, and popular enough with a clued up, mainly straight crowd to generate some huge queues, so get there early.

SWANSEA: Strictly Groovy at Tramps, Kingsway. Saturday, 9.30pm-2.30am.

pounds 3.50/5.50 This housey one-nighter run by Paul Whittaker (a local students' entertainments officer) enjoys the rare distinction of being top DJ Smokin' Jo's favourite club of the moment. 'The people there are just so natural, so on for a good night, it's a real pleasure to play there.'

WOLVERHAMPTON: Pimp at Paloma's Banqueting Suite, Wolverhampton. Fridays monthly, 9pm-2am. pounds 10.

Pimp, hosted by the clubber's bible (and good read) Mixmag, draws big mixed gay and straight crowds with big-name DJs, kitsch classical props and more glamour than you believed possible in Wolverhampton. Mad.

James Collard is nightlife editor of 'Attitude' magazine.

(Photographs omitted)