The Great British Bake Off 2016 episode 8 recap: Tudor week was a feast of pies, puns and a show-stopping peacock

No one's jumble snack looked tasty but the showstopper resulted in some 3D marzipan marvels

Candice's showstopper designed for a Tudor table (BBC/LOVE)

Candice said at the beginning of this Tudor-themed quarter-final that the remaining five contestants were “like the Spice Girls before Geri left”. I’m not sure any of that quintet ever went near a game pie, but I like the idea of Selasi and Andrew getting down to “Wannabe” wearing a ruff.

The Tudor era is synonymous with the image of a bloated Henry VIII. At the end of his reign, he was almost as wide as he was tall and that had much to do with his diet. When I pictured a Tudor feast before this episode then, I imagined the monarch gnawing on a chicken leg at the head of a groaning table laden with pies, various roasted animals, not much veg and some seriously sugary creations. I think I was half expecting Andrew to precisely engineer a ten-bird roast followed by Hampton Court made out of blancmange.

But this was Bake Off, so the challenges were a bit less gout-inducing. For the signature, Mary and Paul wanted individual pies that could be arranged in a Tudor-y design. Fillings had to be savoury, but needed to be firm enough to hold together when cut. Ooozing was not desirable.

Paul’s technical called for jumbles, some not very appetising-looking medieval biscuits. Contestants had to make two shapes; the Celtic knot and the knot ball, which involved a lot of twiddling pastry. To make it more on-period, Paul made them grind their own caraway seeds with a tiny mortar and pestle. The sadist.

The showstopper demanded a more exciting-looking 3D marzipan centerpiece, which could include marchpane – the Tudor version of marzipan, without the egg – and it had to be spectacular. After all, this was for a place in the semi-final, lest we forget.

Mel admires Selasi's pies in the signature (BBC)

Bakeastrophes
For some reason, Benjamina went Mexican with her pies – I suppose it was discovered by Spain in the Tudor period, technically. Either way, her pastry was declared “clumsy”. Dear Candice gave herself a lot to do, as per, and it didn’t pay off in the signature round. Paul and Bezza weren’t wild about the texture of her macaroni pies.

“I hate the technical,” said Selasi, mid jumble-making. This being Selasi, he wasn’t exactly stressed about it though. No one knew how long to bake for so there was a lot of sitting on the floor staring into the oven. Didn’t anyone ever tell this lot that a watched pot never boils? Usually reliable Jane didn’t define her shapes properly and no-one’s jumble snack looked remotely tasty.

In the showstopper, Benjamina’s maze creation was too simplistic for Mary and Paul’s tastes, and her apple cake was heavy-going. Andrew had a caramel disaster on his jousting-themed bake. When he did finally shape his knights’ swords, they ended up less in the hand, more in the trouser department, which caused quite a lot of excitement for a Wednesday night.

It's alright, everybody's thinking it...

Baking Bonanzas
Bezza loved Jane’s spiced sausage meat, garlic, thyme and cranberry pies (my mouth is watering just writing that), calling the filling “exceedingly good”. Engineer Andrew shaped his pies on a Leonardo da Vinci-style spiral – more playing fast and loose with the theme – and presented it on an impressive moving presentation stand. Candice nailed the fiddly biscuit shapes in the technical and then smashed it in the showstopper with her Game of Thrones-inspired peacock. Jane's “delicate” sponge topped with marzipan swans and floral decorations was the only one that I could actually imagine on a Tudor table, though.

Candice is proving that there's much more to her than a love of lipstick (BBC)

Despite loose interpretations of the era and slightly underwhelming bakes, the historical theme brought out some of the things I’ll miss most about Bake Off as we know it – not least Mel and Sue’s joyfully silly wordplay (see the Tudor special at the end of this piece). It gave us more of an insight into the contestants’ heads. Selasi, though still super-chilled, had really boned up on his history and went for studied authenticity with his gamey pies and “blingy” crown-themed showstopper. Under pressure in the technical challenge, Andrew measured the diagram on the instruction sheet with painful accuracy to work out his dimensions – then realised the BBC’s drawings weren’t quite up to his standards. Okay, so we’re getting the edited highlights, but this show celebrates those foibles that make us all human, likeable or otherwise, as well as baking skills.

Announcing the winner gave Sue another opportunity to do her peacock impression – God I’m going to miss Sue – and Candice was crowned Star Baker. Benjamina was sent home, I don’t think she ever recovered after her not-very-Tudor Mexican pies. Homework pays off in this show. The semi-finalists will do well to remember that.

Benjamina attempts to make jumbles in the technical challenge (BBC)

Tudor gems

This week, I’ve gone for a celebration of the Tudor wordplay. Can you tell I’m getting emotional about Mel and Sue’s departure?

“Like Henry VIII, you can chop and change.” Sue announcing the signature challenge.

“Jane, I want to Sey-mour of those.” Mel on Jane’s pies and Henry’s third wife.

“That’s an Aragon and two to go.” Mel getting creative with time management in the signature

“You’ve got five minutes to make like Anne Boleyn and get ahead.” Sue wove in Henry’s second wife’s beheading. Of course she did it.

“I don’t want to cause you march-pane, but you have got 15 minutes left.” Even Tudor marzipan is funny.

Candice lipstick watch: a pretty blush pink