Natalie Cassidy says she still calls herself ‘ugly’ after being bullied as a child

‘I still don’t want to put a swimming costume on,’ said the star

EastEnders star Natalie Cassidy has opened up about how she still feels like the “ugliest person in the room” after being bullied as a child.

The 41-year-old has played Sonia Fowler on the popular British soap since 1993, and previously released a weight loss DVD after undergoing a personal fitness journey.

“I can be somewhere and feel a million dollars and not even think about my weight,” Cassidy told The Sun.

“But put me in another situation, with a different group of people, and I’ll feel like the ugliest person in the room. And that is me being 100 per cent honest.”

Reflecting on a childhood of bullying, Cassidy said her “puppy fat” was a result of nurturing by her late mother, Evelyn, who died of cancer in 2002.

The Strictly Come Dancing star described her mother as a “feeder”, adding: “She was a proud mother and housewife and food was the language of love in my house.”

She continued: “I could have four or five bags of crisps in a night and no one would say, ‘Don’t have those’.”

But despite a good relationship at home, the star was taunted at school.

Cassidy plays Sonia Fowler on the popular soap (Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images)

“People used to call me Fat Nat all the time at school and it didn’t bother me,” she continued. “I’d bat it off. I’ve always been bigger.”

However, she added that the attacks had emotional repercussions which stay with her to this day.

“I still don’t have that confidence. I still don’t want to put a swimming costume on,” she said.

“I don’t think I’ve ever — no matter what weight I’ve been — thought, ‘I look really good today’, standing naked in front of a mirror. I’ve been 7st and 12st and I’ve never thought that.”

Cassidy described her weight loss DVD as “stupid” and despite being paid £100,000 for the project, said it was the start of a difficult relationship with eating.

“When I did my DVD, I lost 4st in three months and then I put it all back on again — and more — within less time,” she said.

“That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, doing that stupid DVD. I felt really ashamed of myself.

“When I look back, doing that was the start of my issues with food. Because I never thought about it before then. I was a very confident person.”

For anyone struggling with the issues raised in this article, eating disorder charity Beat’s helpline is available 365 days a year on 0808 801 0677. NCFED offers information, resources and counselling for those suffering from eating disorders, as well as their support networks. Visit eating-disorders.org.uk or call 0845 838 2040