Malcolm Tucker: 'Brexit is like committing suicide by walking into a door over and over again'

'It's a f****** death cult'

(BBC)

The new edition of The Big Issue is out, which means Malcolm Tucker's thoughts on Brexit are in.

Armando Iannucci has guest-edited this week's magazine, the centrepiece of which is a conversation between his beloved characters Malcolm Tucker and Alan Partridge.

We still hear from Alan a fair amount through his various TV shows, so it is The Thick of It's PR man who is the main draw here, and unsurprisingly he has some pretty caustic thoughts on Brexit (via iNews) and the ensuing omnishambles (to use a Thick of It term):

Tucker: "Brexit’s idiotic. It’ll be like committing suicide by walking into a door over and over again for years, leavers are imbeciles."

"[Brexit is] a f****** death cult."

Partridge: "I also know how liberating it can feel when a loved one leaves after staying with you for a prolonged period. And that’s how I and millions of others feel about the EU. We’ve enjoyed having Brussels kip in the spare room sharing some Christmas cheer. But we want the spare room back now and have had enough of asking what Poland wants for dinner, or if Greece minds turning the TV down because the volume is absolutely ridiculous.

Tucker responds: "When all your EU guests depart there’s no one to pick fruit in the garden or change your bed pan or fix the shower. To recap you are are now starving and unwashed, surrounded by overflowing turdpans."

Tucker on Andrea Leadsom: "Once a week I have to Google that she ran for PM, just to check I didn’t hallucinate it after snorting heroin."

Tucker with a potential title for David Cameron's autobiography: "My Story: Shitting The Bed."

Tucker on Brexiteers Michael Gove and Boris Johnson: "Would you follow them into battle? Michael Gove, the talking sea-lion? That lying shit Boris Johnson, a 20-stone binbag of f***ng giblets in a Brian Jones wig. Shit off."

The character's take came as prime minister Theresa May admitted for the first time that Brexit negotiations have run into "difficulty".

You can read the full interview in this week's edition of Big Issue, the magazine which offers employment opportunities to people in poverty. This issue costs £2.50, with 50% of the cover price going directly to the vendor.