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Your support makes all the difference.In low-slung shards of reddish light
On sodden saltings, brimming dikes,
A mild December morning sprawls
And lounges in the dripping trees
While in the eastern estuaries
The whooper swans fly whirring down.
It's time for Christmas shopping now...
You sure you want to go to town?
It's mad out there, they maim and kill
To have their peace and spread goodwill.
They think that it's compulsory:
It's not. Don't go. Stay here with me.
While Safeway, Tesco and the rest,
The centres of this shopping fest,
Watch vehicles come in and out
Via traffic jams and roundabout,
In market towns which used to thrive
The men with nails and boards arrive,
Assembling where the High Street stood
Pale galleries of chip-flecked wood.
The latest news alleges that
The young are lazy and they're fat,
They drink too much and smoke as well -
Oh yes, they're ugly and they smell.
Well no, those last two bits were lies.
I'm sorry. I apologise.
Their habits at this early stage
May cause ill-health in middle age,
A matter which we should discuss,
Lest they're too ill to care for us.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot?
I'd hazard a quick guess.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot?
If your name's Bill Clinton, yes.
"Sex Appeal - it's Down to Smell":
I have a cold and I can't tell.
So women trick us constantly
By blocking our ability
To judge the way that they appear?
A pretty face, a well-turned rear,
And all the main attraction zones
Run second to their pheromones.
So if she's not the fairest lamp
That lit a bell-tent in your camp,
It's only logic to suppose
She must have led you by the nose.
Come closer. Pour yourself a port.
That cocktail dress, the one I bought,
Do try it on. Go on - feel free.
It never really suited me.
The year is knackered - I am too.
Cool Yule from Newell to all of you.
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