Pop: Lyric Sheets

The search is on for a lookalike to star in `My Memories of Elvis', a film co-written by Elvis's half-brother

The Would-Be Kings

The cats who would be Elvis

Lined up to take the stand

Inviting tart remarks from

A smirking pick-up band

A Chesterfield grocer

In outsize rhinestone jacket

Was half-way into "Hound Dog"

But found he couldn't hack it

The strain upon the pelvis

From wiggling his hip

Neuralgia in the mornings

From practising The Lip

Had all come down to nothing

The work of all those

years

The theatre was

indifferent

As Elvis left in tears

A "GI Blues" from

Shaftesbury

A "Jailhouse Rock"

from Rhyll

A "Teddy Bear" from

Tyneside

Who didn't fit the bill

And as a traffic warden

Was incorrectly dressed

With strong north-eastern

accent

Which nixed the spoken

test

The month's auditions over

They hadn't found a thing

Except an agent's tip-off

And number left to ring

They dialled the mystery Elvis

And waited as it rang

A person picked the phone up

The voice said: "kd lang..."