pick of the week

VELAZQUEZ AND BACON: PAINTINGS OF THE POPES

Loathed and subsequently canonised for his modern art, Francis Bacon is famous for painting studies in horror, faces stretched or melting in agony. It seems strange then that he should have found inspiration for his Pope series in the work of Velzquez, who, as an Old Master, rather embodies the High Art Establishment. Nonetheless, Bacon reckoned the artist's Pope Innocent X was one of the greatest portraits ever. Thanks to a special dispensation from the Doria Pamphilj Gallery in Rome (which houses the Velzquez), visitors to the exhibtion will have the rare opportunity to compare the original with the works it inspired (above right).

The National Gallery, Trafalgar Sq, London WC2 (0171-839 3321) to 19 May

Today

CINEMA FUMEE

The fuming filmsters take over the Royal Festival Hall for a late-night bill of anarchic projections and ambient music. The bitter pill of avant- garde cinema is sweetened by a no-nonsense booze 'n' fags policy and down- to-earth super-8 action. Special attractions include 12 shorts specially jetted over from New York.

RFH, The South Bank, London SE1 (0171-960 4242) 10.30pm til late

BOOTHBY GRAFFOE

A pleasing combination of rambling idiocy, politics and smut characterises Graffoe's work. The lanky comedian even manages to work a spot of juggling into his act (while pondering the universal hatred it inspires), which could explain his often wildly crossed eyes. Check him out for new material gleaned from his recent sitcom sojourn in the States.

Acton Banana, Kings Head, London W3 (0181-992 0282) 8.30pm, pounds 6

FREEZEFRAME

Transgressional art can throw up some genuinely fascinating work, and this exhibition draws together a superior collection of cross-media curiosities from artists such as Brian Eno (below left) and Peter Greenaway (below). Focusing on film, the show also includes a driftwood sculpture by PJ Harvey.

Lamont Gallery, 65-67 Roman Rd, London E2 (0181-981 6332) to 26 May

QUEER UP NORTH

Manchester's three-week celebration of international gay arts. A juicy programme of exhibitions, films, comedy and theatre will bring the cream of queer talent to the city, including Rhona Cameron, Neil Bartlett and the Starving Artists. Spin-off events include a drag-king workshop where women learn to walk and talk like men. By 'eck, it's gorgeous.

Manchester (0161-953 4238) to 19 May

Saturday 27

BOXER

A brutal, fascinating, bloodsport that can transform working-class boys into national heroes, or put them on a respirator, boxing has always aroused controversy. In this exhibition, various local artists including film- maker Fanni Niemi-Junkola and photographer Ming de Nasty take a long cool look at the cultural associations and aesthetics of the sport. Their newly commissioned work packs a mean punch, examining the glorification of the male body; questions of race, class, strength and danger.

Fringe Gallery, 17 Castlemilk Arcade, Glasgow, 10am-5pm (0141-631 2267) to 9 Jun

THE MAGIC OF MECCANO

Hot on the heels of Legoland, this special show, which runs over the weekend, will fill Kew's Steam Museum with cranes, helicopters and boats, and a giant marquee will be thronging with experts, enthusiasts and trade stalls. The piece de resistance is a complete working fairground, including a carousel, dodgems and swing boats, which will be opened today by TV personality Professor Heinz Wolff. It's the perfect chance to see what all those little bits of metal that littered boys bedrooms were really supposed to look like.

Kew Bridge Steam Museum,

Kew Bridge Rd, Middlesex, 11am-5pm, pounds 3.25, children pounds 1.80

MY BEST FRIEND?

This fun exhibition features beautifully detailed lifesize models by artist Philip Cox. After today's grand opening party, children are invited to help the artist construct a sculpture. If they don't want to get their hands sticky they can always play the Pet Detective, following a trail that leads them from one giant animal to the next, asking cryptic questions like "who is being treated like a playground by the Calculating Cats?". A word of warning: if an enormous papier mache cow straddled by a lumpy cowboy really is your best friend, you're probably not getting out enough.

Wollaton Hall, Nottingham NG8 (0115 928 1333) 10am-5pm to 16 Jun

Sunday 28

HEAVY HORSE DAY

An average 18 hands high, these working horses are impressive animals, capable of pulling flat back wagons of beer kegs or even a fire engine. Visitors to Moorside will be able to see displays of such traditional horsepower as well as a range of breeds including Clydesdales, plough horses and a massive Shire stallion.

Moorside Mills, Bradford, W Yorks BD2 (01274 6317556) 10am-4pm, pounds 2, children pounds 1

INTERNATIONAL LINE DANCING COMPETITION 6

A kind of strung-out country dancing, line dancing has tip-tapped its cowboy boots all the way from the southern states of America. Dressed in cowboy outfits, country groovers get down to energetic dances like Black Velvet, Boot Screetin' Boogie and the startlingly named Tush Push. Line dancing is very big in Northern Ireland and just breaking through in Scandinavia. As promoter Eddie Romero explains, "everything has its run. Karaoke came and went, punk rock had its day. Now it's line dancing." It's the biggest thing since sliced bread and tonight are the competition finals.

The National Ballroom, Kilburn High Rd, London NW6 (0171-328 3141) 6.30- 8pm public dancing, 8-11pm competition, 11.15pm-1.15am singer Marsha Britton performs, pounds 10.50

JOHN OTWAY

Aylesbury's boy wonder (left) presents his definitive loser's guide to superstardom, aka how to make a career out of one Top 30 record in the late-Seventies: "it made me the man I am today." If there's an art to not knowing how to play, then this is it. As the man himself says, "Just prattin' about innit".

Bar Gaudi, St Nicholas Place, Leicester (0116 251 7471) 8pm, pounds 6/pounds 5

OASIS

Slip inside the eye of your mind, la la la la la laaaar. Liam and Noel have smacked Blur where it hurts this year and provided the laddish ying to Pulp's supremely effete yang. The pair's hard image got a boost recently when Liam owned up to teeny car theft and burgling. Sadly, for the wannabe rebels, their Mum refuted the stories, assuring us that they were nice boys really. Never mind lads, you'll just have to make do with being the new Beatles.

Maine Rd, Manchester (0161-832 1111) 3.30pm, sold out, see touts for details

Monday 29

STRANGELY FAMILIAR

Academics, journalists, designers and other urban warriors narrate tales of the city from skateboarding in Los Angeles to modernising Venice in this architectural exhibition (above). Taking a tour of the modern metropolis, an interactive gallery creates a three-dimensional cityscape in which to discuss ideas about space in the city. After wandering the mean streets of The Cornerhouse, today's visitors can take part in a symposium which suggests strategies for Urban Living in the New Millennium.

Cornerhouse Gallery 2, 70 Oxford St, Manchester M1 (0161-236 9299) to 26 May

KD LANG

Her first album of swoony, orchestral torch songs was a blinder, pulling her from the country ballad niche and on to centre stage. Now the singer Madonna once described as a female Elvis has a new album out. It may not be to everyone's tastes, but Lang's offering All You Can Eat from her more recent material.

Apollo, Ardwick Green, Manchester (0161-242 2560) 7.30pm, pounds 18.50-pounds 20, also tomorrow

MARK THOMAS

The comedian who sought William Waldegrave's help in exporting an ice cream van tank to Iraq, and bet pounds 10,000 of his TV show's budget on a horse, steps up and gives out in Coventry tonight. Coming across as the bastard son of Jeremy Paxman and Dennis Pennis, Thomas asked MP Jerry Hayes to dress up in an 8ft penis costume and got other right honourable saps to wave their (clothed) rear ends at the camera. A political comedian who proves that childishness is next to godliness.

The Warwick Arts Centre, Coventry CV4 (01203 524524) 7.30pm, pounds 7.95/pounds 6.50

PD JAMES AND RUTH RENDELL

It's silver daggers at dusk tonight when two of the country's top crime writers get together to rattle a few skeletons in their literary cupboards. Even inveterate couch potatoes will be familiar with Adam Dalgleish and Inspector Wexford, sleuths who have made the leap from book to screen to star in enormously popular TV series. PD James and Ruth Rendell will talk about the creation of their detective heroes this evening and discuss their most recent novels: Original Sin (James) and The Brimstone Wedding (Rendell aka Barabara Vine).

The Olivier, The National Theatre, London SE1 (0171-928 2252) 6pm, pounds 3.50

Tuesday 30

PHANTOM OF THE OPERA ON ICE

Not a cyrogenic composer you understand, or Andrew Lloyd Webber's cocktail of choice, but the first full-length ice musical since 1938. This pounds 3m tale of love, despair and hummable tunes features the Russian Ice Stars, choreographed by Olympic trainer Giuseppe Arena and Evgeny Goremekin of the Bolshoi Ballet. Live music is performed by Stephen Lee Garden (winner of last year's New Faces) and Kathy Dooley, formerly of The Dooleys.

Labatt's Apollo, Hammersmith, London W6 (0171-416 6080) 8pm, pounds 12.50-pounds 22.50 to 4 May

THE LOST CONTINENT

As soon as he was old enough, Bill Bryson left the States and settled in England. Ten years later he returned to the land of his youth, driving 14,000 miles in search of smiling small-town America. Instead, he found strips of gas stations, motels and hamburger outlets. Edinburgh Fringe Festival veteran Steve Steen is currently touring this stage adaptation of Bryson's ex-pat odyssey. His one-man show is sharp and touching, offering a wickedly funny picture of modern America. Catch it in Cambridge tonight.

The Junction, Clifton Rd, Cambridge CB1 (01223 412600) tonight only, pounds 7

SOCCER CITY

Since Nick Hornby bared his soul in the confessional novel Fever Pitch, football chic has reached epic proportions. These days you can't go to a game without seeing some celebrity or other, whether it's John Major dogging Chelsea's footsteps or Alison Moyet enjoying a match at Southend. But what of the armies of supporters who fill out the rest of the stands? Photographer David Trainer has kept his back to the pitch for two seasons to capture the families, toddlers, groups of elderly men and streetwise girls at every stage of the match. Swings in the game are beautifully reflected in the faces of the crowd like Mexican waves of emotion.

The Museum of London, London Wall, London EC2 (0171-600 0807) 10am-5.50pm to 7 Jul

Wednesday 1

FUTURE VISION

Caught in the net and stuck in the web, there's no point in fighting technological development. So if you can't beat the nerds, you might as well join them. Granada Studio's vision of our slow evolution into cyborgs includes arguing televisions and hologram friends. Technophobes can stroll around this future world guided by Miss Superhighway and take a peek at virtual classrooms, electronic high streets and fully computerised homes.

Granada Studios, Water St, Manchester (0161-832 4999) 9.45am-4pm, pounds 12.99, children pounds 8.99

BARTLEBY

Red Shift live up to their reputation for stunning literary adaptations with this striking stage version of Herman Melville's classic 19th-century novella. Bartleby is a queer fish. Employed as a scrivener in a legal practice, he gently rebuffs all demands made on him, saying that he would "rather not". Homeless and physically frail, Bartleby heads inexorably towards tragedy. His story is a meditation on how we treat those weaker than ourselves.

The Embassy Theatre, 64 Eton Ave, London NW3 (0171-722 4969) 8pm to 4 May, pounds 7.50

THE GREAT RUBBISH SHOW

From today the Livesey Museum will be stuffed with a load of old rubbish. Visitors take a look at waste past and present and discover the best way to get rid of life's ever accumulating detritus. Hands-on exhibits give children the chance to learn about environment-friendly recycling and trace what happens to those tin cans and crisp packets after they leave the house.

Livesey Museum, 682 Old Kent Rd, London SE15 (0171-639 5604) 10am-5pm to 1 Aug

MANCHESTER INTERNATIONAL CELLO FESTIVAL

More than 1,000 international artists will attend this unique festival, including Denmark's Erling Blondal Bengtsson and Spanish performer Lluis Claret. Four days of concerts and recitals include world premieres of works by Dmitri Smirnov and Sally Parkin, and the first UK broadcast of Elliot Carter's Figment for Solo Cello. Cello and bow- making competitions and masterclasses for keen students make up a well- rounded musical programme.

Royal Northern College of Music, 124 Oxford Rd, Manchester M13 (0161- 273 4504) to 5 May

Thursday 2

SMALL FACES

Taking a none too rose-tinted look at his own youth in Glasgow, director Gillies MacKinnon's teen-gang drama (above) shows the violent flipside to the Swinging Sixties. Focusing on a widow and her three problematic teenage sons, the film creates an admirably realistic portrait of a Scottish community, illustrating the growing pains of those born into it without the bruising flippancy of Trainspotting.

Cinema City, St Andrews St, Norwich NR2 (01603 622 047) to 4 May

JIGSAW MUSIC

An authentic cabaret-style concert of Kurt Weill and Bertolt Brecht pieces together Weill's life and career, voyaging from the back-room bars and lipsticked divas of 1920s Berlin to the bright lights of Broadway. Arch excerpts from The Happy End, The Threepenny Opera and One Touch of Venus should evoke an enjoyably decadent and melancholy soiree for musical sophisticates.

Warwick Arts Centre, University of Warwick, Coventry CV4 (01203 524524) 7.45pm tonight and tommorow only, pounds 6.95

MOZARTIANA

The sublime score for this plotless ballet was written by Tchaikovsky as a homage to Mozart. Choreographed by George Balanchine, Mozartiana is being performed tonight as part of Birmingham Royal Ballet's 50th anniversary celebrations. The Mozart Mass in C Minor makes up a fine double-bill, with new ballet pieces accompanied by the city's Ex Cathedra choir.

The Birmingham Hippodrome, Hurst St, Birmingham B5 (0121-622 7486) to 4 May, pounds 10

ONE WORD IMPROV

Improvisational comedy, in the wrong hands, can be as enticing as a stageful of John Sessions wannabes. But with Eddie Izzard you know you'll be alright. The cross-dressing comic, bent on world domination, tonight conquers Tunbridge Wells, in the esteemed company of Stephen Frost (the big lumbering one who occasionally gets away with it on Whose Line Is It Anyway?), Neil Mullarkey (co-founder of The Comedy Store Players) and the relatively new Suki Webster, who often guests with said Players.

Trinity Theatre, Tunbridge Wells (01892 544699) 8.30pm, pounds 9/pounds 7.50