Pandora

JACK NICHOLSON'S golf swing left his seven-year-old son Raymond's pet dog needing 57 stitches. Nicholson was practising on the lawn of his Los Angeles home the other day when his seven-iron connected with the family's shih-tzu, whacked the puppy, and sent him hurtling into nearby bushes. "Oh my God, I've killed Beanie!" Nicholson reportedly yelled. Sources say the accident happened because the dog "ambled up" on the actor's blind side. Despite "horrific" injuries, Beanie the shih-tzu survived and, last time we looked, was still being treated.

u

DD DAY: a new battery-powered bra, invented by an American reconstructive surgeon called Roger Khouri, really does increase bosom size. First reports suggests gains are permanent. But women must wear the garment (and it's not attractive) for 10 hours per day for 10 weeks for each rise in cup- size they desire. The bra, which uses suction delivered through two hard plastic domes to suck the breasts forward, will sell at around pounds 2,500 when it's marketed under the name Bio-mechanica next year. Mechanical forces are not known to be carcinogenic, but they are noisy. One tester said: "It's not what you'd wear to enhance romance. But when you take it off in the morning, it has an incredible effect on the libido."

u

SURVEY SAYS: "3 per cent of men wish their bosses would let them work in the nude." Pandora says: "97 per cent of women would quit on the spot if they did."

u

BONO, THE Irish rocker (pictured), had lunch with Jeff Sachs and Robert Barro the other day. The duo are conservative economists at Harvard University. "My first instinct was to decline," Barro said, "but my daughter told me `Dad, this is the coolest thing imaginable. You have to go.' Naturally I went." Bono made his pitch for Jubilee 2000, the campaign to cancel impoverished nations' debt. "Bono looked quite normal, not the way I imagined a rock star," Barro said, "Although he did wear translucent blue wraparound sunglasses." As the troika scarfed Italian food, Bono contended that debt relief should be contingent on a country's commitment to use its newly available cashflow for "productive investments in a transparent economic environment. I was shocked to hear these kinds of arguments from a rock star. They were better than I had anticipated. I'm pleased to offer two restrained cheers for Jubilee 2000." If you'd like to make it three, dial 0800 55 66 96.

u

RICKY MARTIN, Mi Vida Loca's answer to Julio Iglesias, didn't kiss a girl until he was 13. He's "a softy who cries a lot". He hates seafood. And he doesn't "want a girlfriend because I'm having fun the way I am." Do we need pencil or paper to draw our own conclusions?

u

GQ'S NEW issue has a feature about Tramp, the Jermyn Street nightclub: "When you ring up to reserve a table you are asked the most brilliant philosophical question of the age: `Dinner or disco?' "

u

A GUY and his wife are having dinner in a Poshopolis restaurant when a ravishing beauty stops at their table, plants a wet kiss on the husband's lips and stage-whispers "See ya later", before shimmying away. "Who's that?" the wife asks archly. "She's my mistress," the guy admits. "OK, that's it," his spouse says, "I want a divorce." "Well..." the guy sighs, "If that's how it is, fine. But if you divorce me there'll be no more Saturday shopping on Sloane Avenue, no more holidays in the Maldives or Aspen, you'll have to pay for your own spa and gym - and the Beamer's got to go back." Dinner drags on like a Sunday silence until, suddenly, the wife looks up and says: "Hey, isn't that Dick? Who's that girl with him? Hell, she's young enough to be his daughter." "That's Dick's mistress," the guy says. The wife says: "Ours is prettier.

Contact Pandora by e-mail: pandora@ independent. co.uk