Pandora

HOT LIST of the day - 10 things to do at Wimbledon when it's raining: 1.Watch repeats of last year's rain. 2. Think about Anna Kournikova getting wet. 3. Collect rain samples, sell to touristos as "Genuine Wimbledon Weather." 4. Pimms! 5. Pray Cliff Richards contracts short-term laryngitis. 6. Refresh der kids' face paint with mulched strawberries. 7. Stare in silent adoration at your picture of "Tim". 8. Practise Dan Maskell impersonations while enjoying soothing Deep Heat neck massage. 9. Elude security, race onto empty centre court and shout: "You cannot be serious!" 10. Does Fred Perry make lingerie?

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LIST + TWIST - We've had Person of the Century, Invention of the Century, so someone suggested "What about Pet of the Century?" OK: how about a three-way race between Winston Churchill's poodle, Rufus; Adolf Hitler's vegetarian hound, Blondie, and Alan Clark's dog Eva Braun.

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KRISTIN SCOTT THOMAS doesn't understand the fuss about The Spy Who Shagged Me. (The title's been changed for the puritanical Singaporeans; prissypants cinemas here are planning to bill the flick as Austin Powers II). "It's not like it's the f-word," says Thomas, who's been snogging Sean Penn and Harrison Ford recently (tough job, someone's got to do it). "It's like The Spy Who Did Me, The Spy Who Gave Me One or The Spy Who Got His Leg Over."

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SOME DAMES who dine have been invited to a Poshopolis party called "La chatte d'argent - celebrating 20 years of broken virginity". But will the person who took it be invited?

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FEUDS CORNER - Peter Stothard is married to Sally Emerson, a writer. She's got it in bigstyle for Stephen Glover, the media commentator. Sally says Stephen's pretending to be Peter's friend but he's "pretentious, eaten up and nasty." Over to you Mr Glover...

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BOSWELL'S LIFE of Don Johnson (continues). After five marriages the 49-year-old Dapper Don is to become a daddy for the fourth time. Kelley Phleger will have the couple's baby next year.

DAWSON'S CREEK is the Sunday C4 show about sexual angst among attractive teen-types who lack parentals, but not cash. Michelle Williams plays the bad girl, and maybe it's going to her head? She recently refused to reshoot a cover for Maxim because "I don't live up to what I see in magazines. I'm never going to be Amber Valeletta. The odds are that I should be milking a cow right now." Oh, and C4 managed another scheduling coup this week: on Monday night, The Madness of King George was preceded by a documentary called The Real Prince Philip.

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WHODATHUNKIT? More widows marry men who have never married, than widowers marry women who have never married.

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JACQUES SANTER is queuing to buy a ticket on the Euro gravy train. The controversial former EC president wormed his way back to Brussels as an MEP (representing the brain dead, presumably) and now has the brass neck to try and snatch the presidency of the EU-African Caribbean and Pacific Joint Assembly. This demanding post would invariably involve arduous fact- finding trips at the pointy end of the aeroplane to taxing locales like Bali, Fiji and, oh, Phucket. "He should be shown the red card," a Euroland reader writes. Yeah, but Santer wouldn't be able to see it from the veranda of his Caribbean hotel room, would he?

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NOTHING IS on television: BBC2, July 29, 11.15pm.

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KATE MOSS (pictured) went on a double date with Liv Tyler the other night. Never mind their armpieces, who was that gorgeous babe the quartet were boogieing on down to at a New York rock club? Bebe Buell. She's Liv's mum.

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LAST WORD on the Two Bridges nuptials. A bright spark at ITN decided that coverage would be improved if the network bought Ed'n'Soph a wedding gift. But what? "I know," someone suggested, "let's call his production company, see if they've got any ideas." So what would Edward like? the ITV girl asks. The Ardent guy replied (and this is a true story, so we hope he's joking): "A commission would be very welcome."

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