Nuisance caller: Toff bouncers
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Your support makes all the difference."Hello, James Thomas [Head of External Services, Gordonstoun]."
"Hi, I've got an idea for something that would help the school, and would help me. I've been reading about all the trouble in the papers over the last few days and there's been some unfair description of your pupils. I'm a club owner in South London and I'm setting up a chain of clubs later in the year. I want your pupils to be associated with them."
"It depends what sort of club. We get inundated with offers of membership, from sports clubs to glorified discos. Will they sit, drink and dine?"
"It's more sort of dancing."
"They're nightclubs?"
"Well, yes."
"The short answer is that this isn't something we would want to lend our name to. But we would put it on the table. It's up to the individuals concerned."
"I'm looking for people to recruit for door work. Your chaps have shown themselves to be tough on the street."
"Absolutely not. Not in a million years. It's not an image we would want to promulgate."
"You need to repair your image, I would suggest."
"Not in the slightest. We don't feel remotely dented."
"It could be useful summer work experience. They don't have to be intelligent."
"Bouncing? It might seem like a good idea to you. But nothing could be further from our thoughts."
"We would like to open the club with a picture of Peter Phillips outside."
"Absolutely not. You're seriously wasting your time."
"What if there was money going to the school?"
"You're wasting your time even more."
"You can't lend them out as workers? The club name is `Toffs R Us'. What do you think?"
"The whole essence of Gordonstoun is that we try to get away from the word "toff". It doesn't apply to any of our pupils."
"By all accounts, they're very good at breaking jaws."
"Well, believe what you read."
"So, we can't use your school name in the brochure?"
"No."
"That's a shame. We used it in the one we rush-produced."
"Our legal department won't be happy about that."
"You're throwing a dampener on this idea. How about if I approached boys individually? In the town?"
"I think we've talked enough on this one. Goodbye."
"You could be on the front page."
"We can manage that all on our own, thank you."
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