Mystic Deb

Debbie Barham
Wednesday 07 January 1998 00:02 GMT
Comments

Your support helps us to tell the story

From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The Independent is on the ground when the story is developing. Whether it's investigating the financials of Elon Musk's pro-Trump PAC or producing our latest documentary, 'The A Word', which shines a light on the American women fighting for reproductive rights, we know how important it is to parse out the facts from the messaging.

At such a critical moment in US history, we need reporters on the ground. Your donation allows us to keep sending journalists to speak to both sides of the story.

The Independent is trusted by Americans across the entire political spectrum. And unlike many other quality news outlets, we choose not to lock Americans out of our reporting and analysis with paywalls. We believe quality journalism should be available to everyone, paid for by those who can afford it.

Your support makes all the difference.

Next week's top stories, by the City's top speculator.

Thursday 8 January

William Straw heads for more humiliation over drugs when he is approached by a woman in a pub and offered a top job in the stockbroking industry.

Friday 9 January

Despite a hefty pounds 10 price tag, all tickets to see Diana's resting place are sold out. Disappointed visitors are offered an alternative attraction - five quid to get into Lord Spencer's bed.

Richard Branson says he plans to rival Steve Fossett by undertaking an even more perilous voyage: London to Brighton by Virgin Trains.

British car makers make a final attempt to stop Rolls-Royce being taken over by the Germans by placing 100-yard-square beach towel over the factory roof.

Saturday 10 January

Disgruntled SWEB customers switch to a more reliable source of energy: Girl Power.

Another of the country's best-known names in the betting industry disappears from the high street - but reappears 10 minutes later, when Princess Margaret comes out of Oddbins.

Following the unveiling of Ford's plans to construct a new Jaguar in Merseyside, local youths announce plans to deconstruct it, starting with the wheels and the car stereo.

After London Transport raises some ticket prices by 100 per cent, commuters express their outrage at the massive hike. Which they must now make to the office every morning, since they can't afford a Travelcard.

Gordon Brown relaunches his "welfare to work" scheme under a more realistic title: "farewell to jobs".

Sunday 11 January

Steve Fossett refuses to give up after his failed balloon bid, revealing his plans to attempt an even more adventurous trip: travelling on a London bus for less than a fiver.

Monday 12 January

Gordon Brown confronts hundreds of shameless scroungers who haven't done a stroke of work in more than six months when he speaks at a black-tie dinner for the City's top company directors.

Tony Blair expresses his disappointment after a survey reveals that more than half those questioned were completely ignorant of British laws and sentencing policy - particularly since all of those surveyed were members of the judiciary.

Tuesday 13 January

The BBC is deluged with complaints following the unannounced axing of Noel's House Party. Viewers say that if they'd known the programme wasn't being shown, they would have made a special effort to tune in.

The focus group commissioned by the Queen to give the royals a better public image suggests adopting a high-profile advertising slogan: "The World's Favourite Heir Line".

In response to the recent marketing drive by Burger King, McDonald's launches a new, hard-hitting ad campaign: "Eat Our Burgers - They're the Dog's Bollocks".

Debbie Barham

Join our commenting forum

Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies

Comments

Thank you for registering

Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in