Mariah Carey review, Manchester Arena: The most confusing show on Earth

If she was indeed miming, as many believed, then what’s left of a once impeccable Mariah is simply a millionaire walking around the stage for an hour and a half saying the word 'festive'

The pop singer is not just for the festive season (Rex)

Expectant fans packed Manchester Arena for Mariah Carey‘s All I Want For Christmas Is You tour, desperate to see her add perhaps a sprinkle of snow to her usual oeuvre of chart-topping bangers... only to be met with a setlist of truly niche proportions.

From “O Holy Night”, to “Silent Night”, to “Hark! The Herald Angels” sing, she really wasn’t giving up on the whole Christmas theme. A giant Christmas tree towered above her and supersize gifts flanked the stage; onscreen projections of Christmas knits, gingerbread and baubles hanging off the Empire State Building (?!) formed the backdrop of the festive extravaganza.

Every three songs the most ghastly Christmas motif played out between a bunch of kids acting and singing terribly while Mariah sauntered off stage to change costume, at one point taking 11 minutes to switch from one red dress to another.

Next up was the vocal performance. The “Songbird Supreme”, as Carey has been popularly termed, rose to fame for her remarkable five-octave vocal range. Go back in time to that early footage of the MTV Unplugged show which silenced critics who said she could never hit a whistle-tone live, and you’ll see a confident, likeable, smiley Carey reeling off supersonic tones which climb higher and higher as easily you or I might order a coffee.

But in recent years, countless videos have flooded the internet of the once vocal-acrobat struggling to even keep her miming in time with a click-track which does all the work for her. Hence, last night it was unclear if she was singing live, miming completely, or doing a half-and-half. If the former, then the Elusive Chanteuse retains her place in the palace of vocal royalty – her voice soaring, simmering, screeching slickly across that truly unbelievable register. If she was indeed miming, as many believed, then what’s left of a once impeccable Mariah is simply a multimillionaire walking slowly around a stage for an hour and a half saying the word “festive”.

Yet the stadium was alight with energy for the wonderfully lazy diva. An idle wave with her index finger, or a quiet “I love you” would set the stadium abuzz with screams, clicks and claps. In one particularly touching moment the presumably out-of-touch icon gave an incredibly heartfelt tribute to the victims of the attack which happened in the very same room earlier this year. She proffered messages of light, sharing, caring, reminding us of the true importance of this time of year: love, and the fact that she owns a bunch of live reindeer.

And while it was all pretty confusing, one thing that is absolutely certain is that people still bloody love that 20-year old song of hers which the entire tour was built around. The moment the finale started – with those sleigh-bells and that little plinky-plonky piano – people genuinely lost it. One girl next to me live-streaming herself singing along while weeping her mascara down her cheeks.

While this number, “Emotion”, and “We Belong Together” were the highlights of the night by light years, the most confusing show on earth was also confusingly charming: mums and daughters, glam girls and their reluctant boyfriends, and groups of concealer-clad gay men (me included) all coming together to celebrate Mariah celebrating Mariah celebrating Christmas. Completely bizarre, utterly unnecessary, but a spectacularly festive night had by all. Especially Mariah.