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Your support makes all the difference.I walked in to the old Hollywood studio around 11am on a Sunday. It was deserted, but for the few engineers holding down the fort. Peter Thomas and Brett McLaughlin were inside chatting and we got to talking about life: about how funny it is when, in the end, after months, years, of wanting somebody's attention, it ended up working out for the best that they sort of just... ignored you. Brett said: “I think that's it. The best thing you can do is just ignore me.” And my first independent record in six years was born.
When I started writing pop songs, I wanted to be an independent artist. I knew I wanted to put out a free EP online, maybe another two or three after that then follow up with a mixtape or full LP. I thought I would spend three or four years putting out music on my own terms then, after reevaluating make the right decision for myself as an artist and woman. But when your song gets featured in this incredibly moving, wonderful, love-filled, tear-jerking proposal video that ends up going viral (the video was put online on a Thursday afternoon and it had one million plays by Friday. I signed my record deal on Sunday) - you listen to the universe and take the cards you're given.
I had been talking to several record labels for months, but had no intention of signing yet. I wasn't ready to let somebody else come in and make decisions about who I was or what I should sound like or how I should present myself out in the world. Sure I was only 20, but I knew who I was. I knew exactly who I wanted to be on stage, I knew how much I had to offer and I was so excited to share that with the world. I still feel that way, six years later. But I did what everybody does: I signed the record deal. Because it's exciting. t's what you do. At the time, it felt like the beginning of the next chapter, my second era. I think now it was the beginning of a long, hard end to Volume One.
I spent the majority of my childhood daydreaming about signing a record deal, learning impossible choreography, singing with a Britney mic and whipping my sewn-in (YES SEWN-IN!!!) hair around an arena for the rest of my life. (Okay fine if I'm being honest I still dream about exactly that pretty much every day.) Then it happens to you and everything stops.
You don't have to pass a test to be a musician or record executive. There's no Bar exam, no degree you hang on your wall that lets everybody know you are qualified to make executive decisions about somebody else's life's work. As a young artist, you just have to trust your gut, try and surround yourself with people you believe have your best interests at heart, work really hard and hope it all goes the way you planned (which, just so you know, it never does).
I am certainly the poster child for happy accidents and heartbreaking misses. But here I am, on the other side, a little older and tired as shit. But I feel more excited, passionate, invigorated than I ever have before. To have freedom again, to be able to succeed and fail at my own hand - there is really no greater feeling than that. I am happy, excited even, to fail. As long as I know that I made every decision that led me to that failure. I want to stand by those decisions and say “I thought it was the right thing to do. I trusted myself and I still do.”
This is only the beginning of Volume Two. There will be many iterations and more volumes to come, I'm sure. Maybe I'll make the worst decisions of my life, but they will be my decisions. Maybe I will be more successful than ever before because I'm finally trusting my own intuition again. But when it comes down to it, I just want to have fun.
I want to remember the feeling I got watching the Britney Spears Live in Las Vegas 2001 tour DVD over and over again. I want to harness that and put it back into this incredible journey I'm on. Because it should be fun. It's a childhood dream come to life. It is manifestation in action. I am walking into the fire, heart open, every single night hoping to not fall on my ass but knowing that if I do, there is a team of incredibly gifted and kind humans who are standing behind me, ready to help me back up again. And maybe that's all you can hope for.
If it is, I think I've done alright.
UK fans of Betty Who should keep an eye out for news later this year. Her latest, independently-released track 'Ignore Me' is out now
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