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Your support makes all the difference.Figures released by Co-op Funeral Services this week suggest that most people now request modern songs for their funerals. Currently top of The Co-op Funeral Pops are "My Heart Will Go On" sung by Celine Dion (below) and Elton John's "Candle in The Wind"
The crematorium chapel rings
To pounding drums and jangling strings
No better back door to the arts
Than crash the Co-op funeral charts
Some cashback and another point
Upon my card, let's rock this joint
But prior to laying me on my bier
Let's sort the speakers out in here.
A Co-op Funeral has allure
Being homely, socialist and pure
And boasts experience stretching back
Which larger retail giants may lack
If Waitrose funerals came to pass
You'd have to suffer Philip Glass
If Tesco bore you to your grave
I doubt they'd let you play Nick Cave
But here among the payment stamps
The kitchenware and bedside lamps
As well as selling Weetabix
The Co-op takes you down the Styx
And contributions over years
Will ease you from this vale of tears
Which even if the thought seems hard
Still racks up on your divi card
And hoary fellows like myself
When sliding off the mortal shelf
Would want a favourite song no doubt
Like "Uncle Harry's Last Freakout"
Or all of Never Neverland
(Pink Fairies fans will understand)
And what a thrill as hearse departs
To know it's made the Co-op Charts
So when I die, don't cry for me
Just dig out that old Damned LP
Find "Smash It Up" Parts 1 and 2
And play it to the mourning crew
Should gentler souls begin to tut
Chill out a bit with "In A Rut"
Then pour the beer in large amounts
And toast the only chart that counts
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