Major truths behind closed doors

Who would you like to be stuck in a lift with? Keanu Reeves? Michelle Pfeiffer? Margaret Thatcher? Nesta Wynn Ellis?

Presumably because the result of anyone being in an enclosed space with any of the first three would be unbroadcastable, Wynn Ellis is the choice for tonight's Out of Order (9.45pm C4) and she gets locked in with many people's nemesis Nina Myskow. If one were going to be stuck in a lift with anyone, Myskow at least would shock the weak out of their vapours. Ellis mumbles about the length of time the repairs are taking. "I don't think you're claustrophobic," Nina snaps, "looking at your outfit you can't be".

Wynn Ellis, as you will remember, is the biographer who stunned the nation by claiming that John Major is "sexy". Myskow had obviously, like the rest of us, been burning to give her a hard time about this. It's a bit like watching a mountain lion attack a pug: once Nina gets into her stride, all Nesta can do is roll over and ask for her tummy to be scratched. Sure, she can quote a Mori poll which said that 87 per cent of women agreed with her and that the man is "very touchable" and has a "marvellous sense of humour", but here savaging is inevitable. In the end, she has to resort to the lowest of all tricks: betraying other women. "I'm not the only one..." she says. "Ask Sue Lawley. She said it too." How mean.