Information Unlimited: All The Facts You Need To Avoid Heartache No.15 Divorce And Mediation
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Your support makes all the difference.The facts
2 in every 5 marriages end in divorce.
1 in 10 marriages lasts less than 2 years.
72 per cent of divorces are filed by women.
The passing of the Family Law Act in the next year or so will both alter the grounds for divorce and the process under which you get divorced. The main changes will be that the so-called quickie fault-based divorce will no longer be possible and it will also mean that the divorce will not be finalised unless there are proper arrangements about finances and children.
Filing for divorce
You can only file for divorce if you have been married for at least a year. You have to be able to prove that you have reasons believing the marriage is over: that your marriage has `irretrievably broken down'.
"Irretrievable breakdown" covers four accepted grounds for divorce:
adultery by either partner
unreasonable behaviour
you've been living apart for 2 years and both agree to divorce
you've been living apart for 5 years even if one partner does not agree to divorce
The options for help
It is best to get initial advice from your local Citizens' Advice Bureau, Law Centre or family lawyer, these initial consultations are often free, but do check before making an appointment.
You don't necessarily need a solicitor to get through a divorce, but if there are complications such as domestic violence or arguments about children or finance, you would be wise to seek legal advice.
Solicitors often charge by the hour for sorting out the detailed work, so research and prepare as much information as you can by yourself. A fixed fee can be arranged for the simple process of simply ending the marriage.
Mediation
Mediation is suggested as an option at any stage of the divorce process. It can be used to resolve some or all issues, instead of solicitors negotiating for you.
Mediation is free if you are eligible for legal aid and go to a mediation service franchised by the Legal Aid board.
Mediation is not marriage counselling. It helps couples to reach their own joint practical decisions so that they can arrive at an amicable agreement on how to get through their divorce in the least damaging way for themselves and their children.
Mediators only work with both parties, although they will see individuals first to ensure that mediation is appropriate. They cannot give legal advice: this is the role of the advising solicitor.
Mediation is not suitable if the relationship has broken down very acrimoniously, if there has been abuse, or there is a suspicion that one party is likely to withhold information about their finances.
The procedure
Within two weeks of filing your petition, your partner will be notified by the courts.
They must state whether they intend to defend the case.
If they don't defend the case you can apply for "directions for trial". If they intend to defend the case you must wait 29 days for a copy of their defence. If you don't receive it within that time you can apply for "directions for trial".
If they intend to defend the case and you can't work things out through mediation, call a solicitor and start compiling evidence and counting the costs.
Once you can apply for "directions for trial" you must obtain forms D84 and D80 from the Court Office. These completed forms are then passed to the court judge who can grant you a divorce.
Form D80 is an affidavit which must be sworn as true by an independent and approved witness.
Form D84A (and D84B if there are children) will tell you when the divorce will be granted and that you can be notified of your "Decree Nisi" by post.
Once you have received your "Decree Nisi" you need to obtain form D36 from the court office, fill it in and send it back to them.
Six weeks later, if everything is in order, they will send you and your ex spouse form D37 which is the "Decree Absolute'.
Costs
Your Citizens' Advice Bureau will help you make an assessment of your financial situation and to apply for legal aid if that is possible.
The divorce process should not be used as a means to get back at your former partner, or to carry on arguments from the marriage, as time wasted in this manner will increase costs.
Make a realistic appraisal of your debts, overheads and combined income to try and work out a sensible financial arrangement for both parties. Withholding financial information can result in mounting legal bills.
The Child Support Agency HeIpline (0345 133 133) will give you a rough maintenance estimate over the phone if you have most of your financial figures to hand.
Useful numbers
National Family Mediation 0171-383 5993 (the non-profit service in England, Wales and Northern Ireland) Family Mediation Scotland 0131-220 1610
The UK College of Family Mediators - 0171-391 9162
Solicitors Family Law Association - 01689 850227. A database of solicitors dedicated to keeping conflict to a minimum
Highly recommended reading: the `Which? Guide to Divorce', published by Penguin at pounds 10.99 and `Women Unlimited: The Directory for Life', published by Penguin at pounds 9.99
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