For women, strength means freedom

ever seen a woman walking alone down a street, late at night? Notice those nervously tapping heels, the wary body language and hair- trigger jumpiness. The way they'll cross the road to be in better light. And then watch a man making the same journey: relaxed shoulders, broad stride, right down the middle of the pavement. Men walk, sit and act as if they own the world. The sexes will never be equal until men's physical advantages - and their knowledge of and reliance upon such advantages - are taken away from them.

If you want to know how things are progressing in the politically aware Nineties arena of gender relations, look at the rape and murder rates. Men kill and rape women, and the figures for such crimes haven't decreased in any telling way. By far the greatest number of violent acts committed by women are in retaliation for long-term abuse, and although this week's case of Diane Clark - placed on probation, not in jail, for having stabbed her abusive husband of 20 years - shows that male domestic violence is unacceptable and marks a definite victory for women's groups, it does not show the other side of the coin. The fury and obsessive hatred that greet stories of "non-domestic" violence perpetrated by women still relies on an underlying misapprehension that women can only ever be victims.

Men are taught from a very early age to claim huge amounts of space for themselves and mark it out as their territory, whether it's teenage boys loitering in their school lunch hour, daring any female to walk past or through them, or the lone young gent on the Tube confidently sitting with his legs apart. Women, in order to feel safe, must constantly amend or modify their own behaviour in compliance with male attitudes: a more demure pose and expression, perhaps a different route entirely. Women live in constant fear of violence from men, a very primitive, instinctive fear.

Whether or not all men would in fact spring to violence is not the point; the mutual knowledge that men are physically stronger and heavier keeps women in check. If a man yells or whispers something to a woman in the street or on public transport, no matter how stupid, unfit or insulting he is, she must do her best to assuage his anger, talk him down, be charming enough to defuse any potential violence there. It is her job to be diplomatic, skilful, wily.

From the earliest age, parents drill their children in notions of gender difference. To be male is to be naturally and rightfully masculine, to be female feminine. Boys, because they will be boys, are encouraged to roam free, to explore their physicality and exploit their growing prowess through sports and general rough-housing with their friends. Girls, on the other hand, must be protected. They are taught to keep out of the boys' way.

It's a tough call: women may indeed be the weaker sex to start off with, but that's nothing a few summers of romping around wouldn't easily sort out. You're not stuck with the body you've been born into. Women must (and many do) take the time to build up, get stronger, to change their form.

A very fit woman can easily out-muscle most even reasonably fit men, and, even if this is not required, the confidence that accompanies such a knowledge is remarkable. Given that confidence, you automatically begin making moves to reclaim your territory in public - walking more briskly, assuming a more aggressive stance.

But the world conspires against female strength and physical equality. The ideal sport for women - martial arts, which uses skill and speed rather than brawn - still retains an image of B-movie machismo, at least in the West, and isn't given any media coverage at all.

Women have been so indoctrinated with notions of what is fitting in female appearance that they shy away from showing "excessive" strength. Why, they say, would anyone want to look like a shot-putter or a man in a dress? I think it's worth it, if the choice is between being conventionally "pretty", and strong or muscular enough to handle any fool who tries to threaten your space.