Patrick review: Makes Pudsey seem like the Citizen Canine of dog movies

Shaggy dog stories don’t come much more threadbare than this

Dir, Mandie Fletcher, 94 mins, starring: Beattie Edmondson, Ed Skrein, Jennifer Saunders, Emily Atack

Oh, the British and their dogs. Filmmakers in this country have been making pet-themed movies since the earliest days of cinema. Cecil Hepworth’s Rescued By Rover (1905) is considered one of the most influential British silent films.

There is little chance, though, that Mandie Fletcher’s Patrick, made through Wagging Tale Productions, will still be remembered in 100 days, let alone 100 years.

This is an amiable but meandering and feeble affair which makes Pudsey seem like the Citizen Canine of dog movies by comparison. Its main (human) character is the Bridget Jones-like young Londoner, Sarah Francis (played by Beattie Edmondson, daughter of Ade Edmondson and Jennifer Saunders).

Sarah has just been abandoned by her latest “chap”. She dropped out of law school to do teacher training. Her life is made yet more wretched when her grandmother Florence dies and leaves her a dog, the squashed-faced pug, Patrick.

This slobbering mutt is accustomed to being pampered. Sarah, though, is the type who eats cornflakes straight from the packet and toast from under the sofa. She is living in a flat in southwest London with a strict “no pets” policy. She doesn’t like dogs at all.

Patrick wreaks the predictable havoc; chases the deer in the park; eats food straight from the bin; yaps away at cats and other dogs; antagonises the neighbours and dismays Sarah with every move of its paws. “You’ve got to pick up Patrick’s poo,” she is told to her horror on an early outing with the dog.

Sarah has just started teaching English at the Grange Hill-like Daneman High School and is struggling to discipline her unruly class. She is also on the lookout for a new boyfriend.

She has two potential candidates, a sleazy, narcissistic vet who spends too much time watching Game Of Thrones and talking about himself, and a sympathetic but mysterious dog-loving older man who seems like Richmond Park’s answer to Rochester in Jane Eyre.

With its air of cheery inanity, Patrick is hard to dislike. Beattie Edmondson is an engaging presence who you could imagine presenting Blue Peter in an earlier life. Cameos from Jennifer Saunders as the school chef and from Bernard Cribbins and Meera Syal provide moments of brief and cheery distraction.

Nothing much happens here at all. Patrick eats some (human) chocolate and has to be rushed off for medical help. Sarah, who is hideously unfit, goes on a fundraising run to help an old man buy a mobility scooter. She moves out of her flat and into a barge. She ingratiates herself with her school class. The dog briefly vanishes. That’s about the extent of the drama. Shaggy dog stories don’t come much more threadbare than this.