Goon (15)

Starring: Seann William Scott, Jay Baruchel

Blokes punching each other hard and almost continuously for 90 minutes.

That's the sad sum of Goon, a sports comedy that's the most wantonly aggressive thing to come out of Canada since the wolverine. Seann William Scott plays a small-time bouncer who's talent-spotted beating someone to a pulp and set to work as the protective "goon" of the Halifax Highlanders, a flailing ice-hockey team apparently made up of potty-mouthed muscleheads who go "woo!" a lot.

Scott has made a name for himself playing dumb – see Dude, Where's My Car?, American Pie, etc – but he's never touched depths as mortifyingly uncomical as these before. If you could summon a scintilla of interest in its pugilistic mayhem you'd worry that his punch-happy character would suffer a brain haemorrhage before the end of reel one. Alison Pill plays the fan with the unenviable (and frankly unbelievable) task of romancing this idiot: by the end, Scott's stitched and battered face looks less like De Niro in Raging Bull than his hulking monster in Frankenstein.