Barnyard (PG)

The hero of this woeful cartoon is a bull who has the job of guarding all the animals on the farm from hungry coyotes. And, like all the other bulls in the film, he has udders. Now, that might not seem like a big deal, but if you imagine a live-action film in which all the male actors are wearing false breasts you'll see how distracting it can be.

The mammary muddle is also typical of a cartoon that gets absolutely everything wrong, from the witless songs to the ugly, foam-rubber look of the computer animation, to the premise that all animals are as intelligent as humans, but they choose to keep it a secret from us because... well, who knows? Maybe they like being slaughtered.

Barnyard is a load of bull.