Family Affair: The gift of second sight

Richard Lane, 31, works as press officer for the Guide Dogs for the Blind Association. Alison Lane, 30, works in the accounts department at the theatrical agency, Peters, Frazer and Dunlop. They live with Richard's guide dog, Norton, in Clapham, south London. They talk about initiating a relationship when one partner has lost their sight

Richard

I had started losing my sight in 1991; I went on the blind register in 1992, and when I met Alison a year later, it was a pretty painful time. I was a young man in my early twenties, struck with blindness - a really horrible thing to happen to anyone. I was on an emotional roller coaster. Some days I'd be fine and coping; the next day I could hardly face finding the bathroom. Genetically, being blind was on the cards but I thought I'd be nearer 50 than 22. There were times when I felt suicidal. I was drowning my friends and family with my grief, so I had help with counselling and anti-depressants. I spent a lot of time lying on my bed, drinking whisky and saying to my flat mates "Will I ever meet anyone?" "Of course you will" they'd reply, probably thinking "I hope he bloody does because he's driving us around the bend."

I met Alison at a party of a mutual friend, Karen. We spent a lot of time talking on a sofa. I felt we were on the same wavelength and she left a huge impression on me. I knew I would see her again because we were all going to a concert with friends the following week. Karen suggested that Ali might pick me up. I was just about to phone her and say "Hello, I'm the boring man at the party." But she phoned me first.

That evening she had to guide me on the tube during rush hour - our first physical contact. Taking her elbow, I realised that she was quite short and bird-like in physique. One of the maddening things about not being able to see is that in the early days you struggle to build up a picture of what someone looks like, and I'm quite impatient. That evening I realised I wanted Ali, rather than anyone else, to be guiding me. I wanted to manipulate the situation so that she was taking me to the bar and I could sit next to her.

Rehearsing for a concert was the backdrop to our courtship: on humid August evenings we'd get very hot playing Bach and then drink beers. I knew I wanted to be with Ali but my liaisons since I had been blind had been short-lived. I was worried whether a woman would want to have a long meaningful relationship with me. The stakes were high and I feared failure. Quite early on I sent her a big bouquet of flowers, although my mates were saying "Hold on." For a blind Romeo this was a high-risk strategy but deep down I was convinced that she was attracted to me. As we rehearsed it became an unspoken rule that Ali would be my helper. She is shy and not the most outwardly confident person, but by default she had to take the initiative.

By the time of the concert we had started going out and we let our feelings be known to each other. I was catapulted onto another planet: I was very, very happy. Not long before I met Ali I was only using my white stick and I nearly toppled over on to a train line at Clapham Junction. A month into knowing Ali, I went for guide dog training with an 18 month-old yellow Labrador called Norton who gave me more confidence and dignity. It was hard to feel that 1993 was the same year; within months two pairs of eyes came into my life - Ali's and Norton's which really helped me to get my confidence back.

Now we've been married for two years, and I can't imagine my life without Alison. Of course I'd chop off my left arm to see Ali. When I dream about her I hear her talking to me but I don't see her, But now I'm sure that now if I got my sight back, I could pick her out in a room full of people.

Alison

My friend Karen used to tell me about "blind Richard" long before I met him. I had this image of him as looking like a hippy but he turned up at Karen's party wearing a cream jumper, perfectly ironed jeans and a spanking new haircut - not my image of "blind Richard."

I sat next to him on the sofa and we chatted, I was curious about him being blind and I asked him all sorts of questions. I had this image of someone who wasn't very confident. Typical stereotype! I was surprised at how confident and normal Richard seemed to be, and we sat drinking and chatting. I remember going home that night and thinking about what it must be like to lose your sight.

The following week Karen was playing in a concert and I had arranged to pick Richard up. I felt really awkward but he showed me how to guide him with his right arm.

During rehearsals I really got to know him, and that's when I first started to realise that I felt quite strongly about him. That scared me a bit. When I realised Richard was getting very keen I was flattered but even more scared. It sounds awful but it seemed an amazing responsibility. Richard was quite forward and he sent me a huge bunch of flowers and "I thought can I really handle this? Do I really want this?" I panicked. I thought we have a good time together, his blindness isn't a problem. I discussed it with my twin sister. She thought Richard was lovely and said "So what if it doesn't work out?" That was five years ago.

On our wedding day Richard was quite disturbed that he would be the last to know what my dress was like because no-one would describe it as I was walking up the aisle. At the altar he gave me a little frisk. Richard is very tactile and I always show him what I've bought to wear.

In the last five years Richard has changed a lot. He deals with his blindness much better than he did. He used to have what we'd call "blue" days about once a month when he didn't want to cope and he felt miserable. When Richard's feeling blue I feel a bit blue too. Now his blue days are much rarer, and I know that our being married has given him confidence.

In a funny way Richard's blindness has helped me. I am the sort of person who would stand back and let Richard get on and do the things men often do. But because of Richard's blindness it is me who puts the screen wash in the car and uses the drills to put pictures up and I do the house accounts.

It is odd that Richard has never actually seen me. I would like to sneak back into the past and see him when he was sighted playing tennis and I imagine how nice it would be to be driven. But we are very happy and comfortable with our lives. For the most part we're like any other couple.