ETCETERA / Home thoughts

WHAT are you supposed to do if you see someone being horrible to a child? I don't mean being so vicious that the obvious answer is to call the police: just the random nastiness that you see every week.

I've been thinking about this a lot, ever since a recent trip to the local swimming pool. I was standing by the side keeping an eye on my son, when I noticed a young woman ordering a little girl - probably less than two years old - to jump into the water. The child was frightened and hesitated, so the woman yanked her in. Then she made her climb out of the pool and told her to jump in again. This time the little girl was even more reluctant, which seemed to enrage the woman. She shouted at her and tugged her into the water again, saying: 'You jump into the pool when I tell you to.' This went on and on - more than a dozen times - like some awful punishment, until the child was weeping and shivering and begging to go home.

There weren't many other people around, and no one said a thing, though one or two mothers looked disapproving. Finally, I couldn't bear being a silent witness any longer, so I went over and asked her to stop. 'I'm her nanny,' she said angrily. 'It's none of your business what I do.'

She told me to go away and I wouldn't; the little girl was still crying by the side of the pool. I said that if the child's mother found out that her daughter was being treated in this way, she would probably be very angry indeed. 'Her mother told me to teach her to swim like this]' retorted the nanny.

We glared at each other. Then she climbed out of the pool, grabbed her tearful charge and hissed at me, 'Now look at what you've done] You've let her get her own way]' I followed them into the changing room, worried that the nanny would vent her rage with me on the little girl. But she didn't - at least not while I was there. Eventually, I took my own children home, worried that I'd done more harm than good.

Later that afternoon I happened to see them again, at the playground. The nanny seemed to be ignoring the child, but after a little while she quietly called her over, and left. The little girl didn't look unhappy, so I just watched them go.

When I got home, I had a brief but noisy argument with my son: he was struggling to get his bike out of the hall; it jammed against the pushchair; he shouted at me and told me it was my fault; I pushed him out of the way, bellowing: 'Go away, I don't want to see you any more]' One of my neighbours witnessed this outburst, and looked slightly taken aback. Maybe she thought 'What a dreadful mother', but she didn't say anything.

I know I can be horrible at times - like anyone who looks after small children - and I remembered the nanny in the pool and wondered if she was just having a bad day. But maybe she is vile every day and the child's mother doesn't know; in which case I was wrong, I should have done something more effective. I don't know what: perhaps been more of a busybody and followed them home, instead of just worrying in a wishy-washy way.