My Edinburgh: Rob Delaney, comedian

Delaney says: 'I'll have to blast the cobwebs off anyone who's tired, or jaded, or 'festivaled out'

I'm expecting to have a great time at Edinburgh. I've never been to Scotland, let alone Edinburgh, so it's a massive privilege to finally get to perform there. My prime directive for these shows will be to make them FUN, since the festival will be well underway once I get there. So I'll have to blast the cobwebs off anyone who's tired, or jaded, or "festivaled out" and let them know right away that I am going to sweat buckets for them so they can relax and know they're safe in my hands, as it were.

That's one of my biggest challenges to myself as a comedian now. Of course, what I talk about is important, but it's just as important that I violently bludgeon the audience with it in a loving manner so they know that I'm the boss and my business is guaranteeing that they enjoy themselves.

So I'm bigger and weirder and more physical than I used to be, not that most people in Edinburgh will have seen me before anyway. I want people to feel secure and know that as I walk with them and guide them to horrible, filthy places with my mind, they'll be taken care of.

My twin goals are that the audience be in pain from laughing and that I be in pain from hurting myself by leaping around the stage like an idiot, while talking in graphic detail about making love to pregnant women in my helicopter.

Rob Delaney, Underbelly – McEwan Hall (0844 545 8252) 20 & 21 August, 7pm

Rob Delaney's Must-Sees

I very highly recommend Shane Mauss's show, Mating Season (Assembly George Square, 10.30pm). He's my favourite type of comedian: constantly working, constantly improving, and a killer joke writer. He's bulletproof. When he gets on stage, you're going to enjoy yourself and that's that. If I'm at a club and he gets on stage, I pay attention and learn.