Edinburgh Festival `98: Festival Eye

ALWAYS LOOKING for a laugh, Andrew Morton was spotted swanning around the Pleasance courtyard on Monday night. Alone and neatly dressed, the brilliant author seemed happy just soaking up the atmosphere of the Festival. Or is he doing some research, looking for new insights on Diana's life? Certainly, with both The National Theatre Of Brent and David Benson tackling the touchy subject, his scouting mission might well unearth some new truths. I wouldn't hold your breath though.

Top 5 most boring topics to appear in Fringe shows:

1. Any reference to Monica Lewinsky. We know she has a big mouth.

2. Complaints about Ross Rebagliati, the Canadian snowboarder who was stripped (briefly) of his Olympic medal last year. We believe he didn't inhale.

3. Any karate jokes when talking about David Beckham. We know it's not fair he's rich, good looking ...

4. Any mention of the Millennium Bug. According to Milton Jones, "that hepatitis B is much more worrying".

5. Any generalisations about the Scots. Surely there are more original things to talk about, Messrs Davies and Green?