Edinburgh Fringe: Looking at stars, but not necessarily from the gutter

Searching for the stellar performers can be precarious work so be sure to follow the stars very carefully and with a plan in hand

Remember to realistically anticipate your navigation through the ever more ludicrous Royal Mile to achieve a comfortable passage (PA)

We are now nearing the half-way point of the Fringe and the stars are coming out in increasing numbers. Reviews are appearing on the venue notice boards and although the actors pretend never to read them, they are always happy to receive a high rating star level. A five-star rating is as good as it gets, and a single star is not unknown. Obviously no show actually wants one of the latter; it’s better to be unstarred, to be left unreviewed, than tarred with that brush. And there are still shows that should remain in the cupboard. This year, to date, I have seen none in this category, but there’s still time.

Anyone arriving to stay for but a few days, from this point on would be best advised to stick with one of the many publications, The Skinny, Broadway Baby, The List, One 4 Review and so on. I quite like Fest, and make subsequent show selections from the reviews although there’s no guarantee that you’ll feel the same enthusiasm as the reviewers. Indeed, reviewers will not be in agreement with each other on the star worthiness of shows. It’s down to personal preferences and responses. How else can you explain two reviewers watching the same show at Pleasance Courtyard, one giving one star and the other a five-star rating? (I will not name the show to protect the innocent.)

Also one should mention The Scotsman, which every day has a handy pull out section on the festival (presumably described by some inhabitants of Edinburgh as the handy throw away section). The pages include Usher Hall and International offerings and a helpful hour-by-hour list of shows. On the back page are two-for-one offers, so if you find yourself at a loose end, one of those (and we love bargains don’t we?) might appeal. And if you buy a copy at one of the main venues, as well as the paper, you’ll get a jute bag, some shortbread or other edible snack, and some sun cream (yet another bargain). Not that there’s been any need for sun cream so far this year, although we did enjoy two days in succession last week without rain. But do not be lulled into any sense of security: rain clouds are always lurking behind Arthur’s Seat and the Pentland Hills to catch out the climate change deniers. As I write this, Arthur’s Seat is not even visible under the low-lying, rain bearing cloud and the young lad opposite has not appeared on the pavement with his weekend scones.

But from now on, we all become star gazers and stars equal bums on seats. Our beloved flyerers now have an additional role: stapling strips of paper announcing the star allocation and quotations from reviews onto their flyers and all the posters adorning walls, fences and lamp-posts around the place. They will also add to their announcements as they approach you with their stapled flyers, “four-star comedy show this afternoon.....”.

And be careful what you pick up. I was given a three-fold handbill from the Georgian Concert Society that had a promising concert on the 20th listed. It was not visible on the Society website’s What’s On section. The subsequent conversation with the box office was a tad embarrassing: “I’m sorry, sir, but it was a good concert, it was on 20 January.” Helpfully, I had been given their concert programme for the whole year; and there are no concerts in August. Why should that be, I wonder?

Which leads to cardinal rule number two: read everything very carefully.

It makes choice all the more difficult. Sod’s Law will apply: remember, there are some 3,800 shows to choose from and the chance of having a gap in your programme for newly starred shows reduces exponentially with the number of stars awarded. And as the pile of flyers on the desk gets higher and higher, the book becomes more important. Can we fit the newly rewarded four-star show at the Assembly Rooms, George Street in between shows at Just the Tonic, Cowgate and Underbelly, George Square?

And remember that George Square and Street are separated by the Prince’s Street shopping jamboree and the ever more ludicrous Royal Mile and either Nicolson Street, with its narrow pavement and innumerable bus queues or George IV Bridge with tattooists and Greyfriars Bobby photo ops. Allow between 30 minutes and two hours to achieve a comfortable passage. Once, many years ago we did it in our PB (personal best) eight minutes, through devious cobbled back alleys and sets of steps we’ve come to know (and are prepared to divulge for a small fee) but the success of that was tempered by the next day’s visit to the pharmacy seeking embrocation and support bandages for the knees.

Nowadays, with increasing stiffness of joints, we must invoke cardinal rule number three: always leave a generous amount of time between shows in different venues. Arriving early at any venue does, after all, give you the opportunity of a restorative glass of Sauvignon Blanc, Pinot Grigio, Merlot or Shiraz – regrettably, at wallet emptying prices.