CHILDREN The real Burglar Bill

For adults, a break-in can be distressing. For children, it is a nightmare sprung to life, and the effects can be long-lasting. Deborah Holder reports on help at hand for the victims

ANY burglary feels like a violation. The knowledge that the intruder has broken in through your children's bedroom as they slept, before ransacking your home, leaves an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach that takes a long time to go away. Parents are left feeling vulnerable, angry and upset - but the impact of burglary on the children themselves is often overlooked.

William was five when a burglar broke into the family home during the night. His mother, Gwen, woke the next morning to find the back door swinging open. "It had been pouring with rain the night before, and as I went upstairs to tell Mike we'd been burgled, I saw hand marks round all the doorways. The burglar had been feeling his way in the dark and the dye from his gloves had leaked."

William woke while Gwen was upstairs telling her husband what had happened. "There were all these blue fingermarks around his doorway. I wish I'd scrubbed them off, but I didn't get the chance. He looked at them and it dawned on him what had happened. He said: `The burglar came in my room; he looked in my room.' That was it. He was back in our bed and he's been there over since."

William's reaction is not unusual. Children can become afraid of the dark, of going upstairs alone, or sleeping alone. They may start bed-wetting or having nightmares, and their school work may deteriorate. Fantasies about the burglar and the fear that he will return are not uncommon. Reactions can also be more idiosyncratic and harder to link to the burglary. One eight-year-old, for instance, didn't want to go to school. It later emerged that he felt he should be at home to protect his mum and dad. His parents were amazed when the problem was finally explained, saying it was the last thing that would have occurred to them. Another girl of four began taking her father's briefcase after work and hiding it under the table. She was taking positive action in the only way she could.

Victim Support is one of the few groups to have acknowledged that children can be affected by burglary. Despite a growing concern about children as victims of serious crimes, the impact on children of lesser crimes is still a new area. Victim Support routinely offers support to victims of all sorts of crime. In the case of burglary, counsellors work with the whole family and try to provide an environment in which parents and children can speak openly about their feelings. Guy Pollock, whose Bedfordshire branch of Victim Support spearheaded a research project aimed specifically at children, says they are "deeply affected by even minor crimes" and that "the way in which adults react is of crucial importance".

Naturally, parents do what they think is best for their children, but burglary is by its nature unexpected and unfamiliar. Caught unprepared, they often feel it is best to play it down to protect the children, sometimes trying to hide it completely. But if the burglary is played down, children may not feel able to admit how disturbed they are by it. If it is covered up, they may sense their parents' distress or anger and blame themselves for an atmosphere in the house that they cannot explain. Victim Support recommends "talking about it, telling children what has happened, encouraging them to talk about their fears, maybe even drawing out their fantasies of what the burglar looked like".

Sometimes it simply doesn't occur to parents that their children might be worried. Last November, Jacqui returned to her home in Reading after a day in London. One of her two daughters, Marie, six, was with her when they discovered signs of a break-in. "It was a dramatic sight because one of the doors had been kicked in and was lying on the floor. We went upstairs and Marie was with me. They hadn't been in the kids' room, but in ours several bags were open on the floor. Marie had a funny smile on her face; I realised it was the Christmas presents."

As she busied herself with clearing up and dealing with the police, Jacqui admits she didn't really think of her daughter. "It was the police who called my attention to the fact that Marie knew and might be worried." In the immediate aftermath of the burglary, the children talked about it a lot and the subject still comes up now and then. "Lucie is quite concerned with death at the moment," says Jacqui, "and just the other day she asked, quite out of the blue: `Does everybody die - even burglars?'."

This notion of the burglar as superhuman is not uncommon. When asked to show how they imagine such a criminal, children often draw a monster three times the size of the house.

Although Gwen was not worried by her son's return to the family bed, many parents feel this is a slippery slope, says Guy Pollock. He advises parents who are worried to establish flexible parameters. Together, parents and child might agree that the latter can come into their bed for, say, three weeks. Then, if he feels better about things, he could try his room with the light on and the door open for a further few weeks - then maybe try it with the light off. A simple programme like this can gradually rebuild children's confidence and give them markers with which they can measure their own recovery.

Beth, a divorced mother of three children aged seven, 12 and 13, was burgled twice in the space of three months, probably by the same man. The first time no one was home and although they were frightened, Beth felt the children could deal with it. The second time was different. "It was particularly nasty," Beth says. "The boys leave school half an hour before I finish work, and they'd come home to find a burglar in the house. He threatened them - he had some kind of tool in his hand - then started demanding where things were. They were terrified. He then left, and they checked the house together to make sure he'd gone, which must have been very frightening for them.

"We'd already put on extra locks after the first burglary. I asked the kids what would make them feel safer and we agreed on what we would do. We added bars and barbed wire. I made sure the children knew all about it and got involved. I talked to them about it too, but I think it shocks you in such a way that you don't really know what to do - you don't want to think about it too much because you'll feel so dreadfully insecure."

The boys also helped identify the crook. "The police asked if they would look at some pictures and I thought it was a good idea, so they could make a contribution and knew that people were taking it seriously." The man was caught and Beth believes this helped the children recover. "I think there was a sense of relief. Although the children didn't express it directly, it felt important."

None of these three families took up offers of help from Victim Support. "I suppose burglary is a fact of life nowadays," says Beth. "It's unpleasant but it's so common that you can't make a fuss. To say `Oh I must go to counselling with my children' seems over the top."

She also admits that she found it hard to talk about it with her children - a common response, says Guy Pollock. "Crime is about loss," he says, "loss of property, obviously, but also loss of security. One way we have of dealing with loss is to hope it will go away."

"There were some problems afterwards," admits Beth, "like the macho feeling - which is dreadful for them - that they should have done something. But I don't think I was really prepared to let myself dwell too much on how upset my children were. I haven't really allowed myself to think too deeply about the incident. You busy yourself with this very concrete display of locks and bars, which says: `I'm trying to protect you physically.' It's useful, but it distracts you from the emotional impact. The chances are that the children still have feelings about it. Maybe I'll go back and talk about it again."

! Victim Support National Association, Cranmer House, 39 Brixton Road, London SW9 6DZ (0171-735 9166). The children's drawings in this article first appeared in a Victim Support research report.