Angst: Expert advice on your problems

My 23-year-old daughter became pregnant by a man who then left her. I am separated from her father but still have the family home, so she came to live with me. I take care of her son three mornings a week, and I have tried to help on other occasions when she seems to be stressed or finding the baby very hard work. But although she thanks me for this, she seems to be resentful and hostile towards me. I feel hurt by this and would like to get it sorted out, particularly as I am very fond of the baby.

Circumstances have brought you and your daughter closer together than expected. This comes from the failure of your respective relationships, and makes it more difficult for both of you to be clear about your roles. Although relieved to find you are willing to help with her son, your daughter may worry that you will take over. Her hostility may come from her sense of failure, and it may be the way she protects her territory. Hostility is one form of defence. Only if she feels right with you will she feel confident to let your relationship as a grandmother develop. You could try telling her that you are aware of her feelings. You might also explain how it was for you when you separated, and the vulnerabilities you felt at the time, as a first step to becoming more available to her as a friend.

Hugh Jenkins, director, Institute of Family Therapy, 43 New Cavendish St, London W1. Tel: 071-935 1651.

My condition does not seem serious enough to bother a doctor but its persistence does concern me. I am male, 41 years old and a little overweight - not excessively so - and for the last 18 months my skin condition has deteriorated alarmingly. I did not suffer greatly from teenage acne but now my arms, shoulders, stomach and sides are covered in little pimples. There is no itching or soreness but it looks like a rash and individual spots take a long time to clear. I am not aware of any allergy, stress, change in lifestyle or diet that could be the obvious cause.

You should certainly take this complaint to your doctor, because it could be caused by a range of factors. It is therefore important to get a diagnosis. In this country you have to get a referral to a specialist, which is what I suspect you need, through your GP. Our organisation exists to promote an understanding of skin disease and to support research - but we cannot treat individual cases. However, if you get in touch we will be happy to give you guidance.

British Association of Dermatologists, 3 St Andrew's Place, London NW1. Tel: 071-935 8576.

My son is six and he is at a local primary school. He started there with my daughter, who is four years older, but she has now gone to weekly boarding school. He missed her a lot at first but then seemed to settle into seeing her at the weekends and enjoying being the only one during the week. But his teacher has just told me that he has been stealing things from other children - things like rubbers, cartoon stickers, and sweets from coat pockets. She caught him doing it and seems to have been very low- key about it, for which I am grateful. But I am worried about what to do and whether I should talk to him.

This can't be an easy time for anyone in the family; each of you has a double adjustment to make when your daughter leaves and when she returns. Stealing at school indicates some degree of emotional insecurity, although this may have as much to do with what is going on at school as with the changes at home. Stealing is a not unusual response to a situation in which a child cannot articulate his or her feelings. Your son may have a range of anxieties about what has happened. He has seen his sister taking centre stage for some time, and this experience is now repeated every weekend. He may also feel guilty about getting you all to himself during the week, fearing that his rivalrous feelings somehow played a part in her going away. The important thing is to give him the message that you are trying to think about how he feels. It would also seem sensible to talk with his teacher. You might also think about visiting your local child guidance centre.

Rachel Pick, therapist, Child Psychotherapy Trust, 21 Maresfield Gardens, London NW3. Tel: 071-433 3867.