FA keeping leg man Blatter in suspense

Inside Lines

Which role awaits the English Football Association in the fascinating blockbuster "Bend it Like Blatter"? It is getting close to make-your-mind-up time in the battle for the Fifa presidency. Four years ago, after promising Uefa's Lennart Johansson their vote, the FA shamefully switched support to Sepp Blatter because they mistakenly thought he would see them right for the 2006 World Cup. Johansson, honest man that he is, had made it clear from the outset that he backed Germany because he believed there had been a gentlemen's agreement between them and England. He clearly hasn't borne a grudge, as there he was at the Millennium Stadium eight days ago, presenting the FA Cup. Surely this time the FA will go for another honourable gent, Africa's Issa Hayatou. But curiously they aren't saying. At least Hayatou has some British backing, as Scotland's David Will is one of five Fifa vice-presidents whose formal complaint of corruption has put the steadfastly unrepentant Blatter in the dock of a Swiss court. Indeed, Blatter continues to protest that it is all a storm in a British tea-cup, telling friends that it is a smear campaign orchestrated by the media here, and skilfully fuelled by the spin-doctoring of the English head of Uefa's communications division, the former Premiership spokesman Mike Lee. But outside of the UK and now his native Switzerland, the rest of the world seems to be treating the affair with shoulder-shrugging indifference, and such apathy may be Blatter's best hope of survival. But if the axe falls he can always revert to a former interest. Like the FA's Sven he has an eye for a good leg, and used to be president of the World Society for the Preservation of the Suspender.

Sport complains of VAT-man and robbing

Just when it seemed that the Treasury, which reaps some nice little earners from sport, was starting to play the game, those soulless Whitehall numbers crunchers want their ball back. No sooner had the Chancellor, Gordon Brown, shown welcome benevolence in his Budget by offering tax breaks for amateur sports clubs, then along comes VAT-man demanding it all back. Or so it would seem from warnings issued to governing bodies who have received Lottery funding that they may have to return millions to the Treasury in backdated VAT payments. Not content with taking 12p in the pound from Lottery ticket sales, the Treasury are now insisting that 17.5 per cent VAT also has to be paid on any capital projects (such as a new pitch or clubhouse) that have been facilitated by Lottery cash. It would seem that even the World Class Performance programme, when used for equipment or travel expenses for athletes, is liable to this iniquitous tax, which one official calls "daylight robbery". Several organisations fear they may go under. So much for Live a Lotto, eh, Mr Brown?

Hamed on a Prince Charming offensive

It has been 13 months since Marco Antonio Barrera's fists wiped the trademark sneer from the face of Naseem Hamed in Las Vegas, but the former world featherweight champion, now being promoted as "The Fresh Prince", reckons the whole nation is "hungry to watch me fight again". So, after his comeback against the Spaniard Manuel Calvo at the London Arena on Saturday, he plans a road show, a fighting tour of Britain taking in some of the old haunts where he built up his career. No more the magic carpet-bagger, though. They say he's got the message to cut the strut, tone down the pre-fight preaching and concentrate on being Prince Charming. Will the public buy it? Or is Numero Uno now a back number?

The English are coming. Lock up your geishas. The Japanese media is full of scare stories about the impending World Cup invasion by England's finest, some of the tabloids depicting computer-aided images of face-painted, snarling punks.

To counteract this scaremongering, a group of English teachers based in Saitama, where England open their tournament against Sweden on 2 June, have been trying to dispel the myth that all English fans are thugs by holding workshops to prepare locals for what they may face. Draped in the St George flag and clenching cans of beer, the teachers storm into the classroom roaring "Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land" before bombarding startled volunteers with questions like "Where's the pub?" and "Where's the loo?" The idea, apparently, is to give the Japanese a better understanding of "normal" English fans, and convince them that loud, drunken behaviour should not be seen as hooliganism but "the English way of expressing enjoyment". Ah, so.

The beautiful people may be at Beckingham Palace today, but the bountiful will be at the Stadium of Light on Tuesday. Everyone attending Niall Quinn's testimonial, and that includes the Sports Minister, Richard Caborn, will be coughing up their twenty quid for charity.

Quinn's largesse in giving away the entire £1 million proceeds of his Sunderland beano has been well documented, as has that of Arsenal's Tony Adams, who is donating half of his to charity. How long will it be, though, before football itself joins the list of needy causes, League clubs having to be bailed out by their own benefit nights? It's tax-free, too; rather shameful when so many amateur clubs are still having their pockets picked.

insidelines@independent.co.uk

Exit Lines

He was f****** ruthless, a Scottish version of Mike Tyson. TV chef Gordon Ramsay on his Rangers experience under Jock Wallace... Now we've got kissing on the lips, I can't imagine what it's going to be like in the showers. Rodney Marsh on football's goal celebrations... I'm not a boring robot. The word mischievous describes me quite well. Tim Henman insists he's really a fun guy... The general secretary should work more instead of playing at CIA and FBI. Sepp Blatter dismisses Fifa corruption allegations made by Michel Zen-Ruffinen.