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Shaparak Khorsandi

@ShappiKhorsandi

Shaparak Khorsandi is a stand-up comedian, writer and Independent columnist. She is also vice president of the British Humanist Association.

<p>‘I had to show up for myself every day’ Adele said to Oprah Winfrey </p>
Voices

Every single mum will relate to what Adele is feeling

<p>‘Dual nationality doesn’t make you any less British – or at least, it shouldn’t’ </p>
Voices

What meaning does Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe’s British passport have?

<p>Serena Williams holds the 2020 Australian Open trophy next to her sister, Venus, who she beat in the women's singles final</p>
Voices

Sibling rivalry exists – if you don’t squabble, are you even related?

<p>‘In my 20 years in the business, I’ve never heard an agent express concerns that a male stand-up might not be able to make the commitment needed to this consuming career because of his parental status’ </p>
Voices

Change can’t come quick enough over outdated ideas about motherhood

<p>‘Right-wing columnists raged about it’ </p>
Voices

Everyone relax – it’s just a John Lewis advert

<p>Rashford described the day as ‘bittersweet’, as it coincided with the cutting of universal credit</p>
Voices

Marcus Rashford’s speech reminds me how hopeless I was at his age

<p>‘The London Marathon is in my sights for next year’ </p>
Voices

I’ve turned into one of those people who ‘runs’ – who even am I?

<p>Chief Superintendent Trevor Lawry by the floral tributes near where the body of Sabina Nessa was found</p>
Voices

I don’t know one woman who doesn’t fear walking around the city alone

<p>‘Helping people isn’t the sole point of volunteering’ </p>
Voices

Volunteering with my children didn’t quite go according to plan

<p>‘When everyone was working from home, a gentle war was declared on formal office clothing’ </p>
Voices

Good riddance to the office suit – now every day is ‘dress down day’

<p>My own father is a writer and I have never felt much of an inclination to read his work</p>
Voices

Of course my son will not read my novel – I am his mother

<p>‘We climbed a huge oak tree in Gallows Field – even my teenager looked up from his phone’ </p>
Voices

‘Staycations’ aren’t what they used to be – but festivals are a joy

<p>‘Sean was cool. Sharp as a tack, with an extraordinary talent for the ridiculous’ </p>
Voices

I was in awe of Sean Lock. This is a colossal loss to the comedy world

Voices

I was in awe of Sean Lock. This is a colossal loss to the comedy world

<p>‘Sean was cool. Sharp as a tack, with an extraordinary talent for the ridiculous’ </p>
<p>Off to a flyer! The Edinburgh Fringe has returned this year </p>
Voices

I’ve just got back from the Fringe – it was strange and life-affirming

<p>Any white woman who needs to complain, see the manager, needs to stick up for herself, runs the risk of being called a ‘Karen’</p>
Voices

The problem with calling someone a ‘Karen’

<p>‘Playing computer games is all modern teens are doing and it’s fine to leave them to it for a while’</p>
Voices

We stress about our kids’ screen time – but is it really a problem?

<p>The exploits of Raheem Sterling and co haven’t found favour with every son of Albion</p>
Voices

England’s dreaming – yet Tory MP Lee Anderson is still cross

<p>The exploits of Raheem Sterling and co haven’t found favour with every son of Albion</p>
Voices

England’s dreaming – yet Tory MP Lee Anderson is still cross

<p>England team members take the knee in solidarity for Black Lives Matter ahead of their game against Germany at Euro 2020</p>
Voices

Football shows how much our national identity has changed

<p>It looks like Hancock is as dreadful at his private life as he is at dealing with a health crisis</p>
Voices

Hancock kissing when singletons like me have been celibate? Outrageous

<p>There are better ways to show our love than a schmaltzy card with a drawing of a bloke playing golf on it</p>
Voices

Why we don’t do Father’s Day in my family

<p>‘What’s in a name,’ you might think. Well, everything</p>
Voices

Why I have decided to change my name from ‘Shappi’ back to ‘Shaparak’

<p>‘I explain to my children exactly what’s going on with me so they are less bewildered by my bouts of crying’</p>
Voices

Forget small talk, I want to tell you about the menopause

<p>‘For all the horrors of the pandemic, I loved being at home and wondered if life is better without the helter-skelter life of being a stand-up comedian’</p>
Voices

Before lockdown I fetishised being ‘busy’ – after one gig, I’m changed

<p>Shappi Khorsandi performing at London’s Boulevard Theatre in February of last year</p>
Voices

Cancel culture is ruining comedy – it’s time to stand-up to it

<p>Children’s author Michael Morpurgo: ‘We can be overly protective of the sensitivities of children’</p>
Voices

Children must learn about grief – protecting them is never the answer

<p>‘For all the horrors of the pandemic, I loved being at home and wondered if life is better without the helter-skelter life of being a stand-up comedian’</p>
Voices

Before lockdown I fetishised being ‘busy’ – after one gig, I’m changed

<p>Shappi Khorsandi performing at London’s Boulevard Theatre in February of last year</p>
Voices

Cancel culture is ruining comedy – it’s time to stand-up to it

<p>Children’s author Michael Morpurgo: ‘We can be overly protective of the sensitivities of children’</p>
Voices

Children must learn about grief – protecting them is never the answer

<p>Where to start? ‘Decluttering the house has given me a lift as we emerge from lockdown’</p>
Voices

Just get rid of it! Decluttering is about so much more than tidying up

Voices

Just get rid of it! Decluttering is about so much more than tidying up

<p>Where to start? ‘Decluttering the house has given me a lift as we emerge from lockdown’</p>
<p>Few people imagine you are single because you want to be</p>
Voices

A few things not to say to single people

<p>‘Teaching children empathy is hard when their parents don’t do the same’</p>
Voices

I’ve been a victim of racist abuse – I don’t want that for my daughter

<p>Add an appetite for porn to that hideous societal norm of ‘boys will be boys’ and you get the attitude forming that sex is something boys want – and girls have to give</p>
Voices

We need to talk to our children about pornography

<p>‘My trip in to A&E reminded me of why I love the NHS – for a million reasons, but this week it’s mostly because none of its workers called me a pillock’</p>
Voices

I was rushed to hospital with a suspected heart attack

<p>‘My trip in to A&E reminded me of why I love the NHS – for a million reasons, but this week it’s mostly because none of its workers called me a pillock’</p>
Voices

I was rushed to hospital with a suspected heart attack

<p>‘I believe in trying to go through life without causing harm, for the sake of us all in the here and now’</p>
Voices

The importance of ticking ‘no religion’ in the census

<p>Richard Ratcliffe, husband of British-Iranian aid worker Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, and their daughter Gabriella protest outside the Iranian Embassy in London</p>
Voices

Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe has endured more than we want to acknowledge

<p>Meghan wasn’t quiet. She is an American. She hasn’t been raised with the reverence towards the royal family us Brits have </p>
Voices

All the royal family had to do was stand up for Meghan – they failed

Camila Batmanghelidjh attends ‘big society’ meeting at No 10 in 2010
Voices

It’s a ghastly shame that Camila Batmanghelidjh’s work was stopped

<p>‘They got a massive chunk of metal to actual Mars, complete with cute little parachute’</p>
Voices

There’s nothing like space travel to show us how insignificant we are

<p>‘I feel relief when I know our food, foil, cardboard and glass is being used again’</p>
Opinion

A fortnightly stomp in my recycling bin is a lockdown stress reliever

<p>“If you feel a warm connection with an acquaintance, tell them what’s going on for you"</p>
Voices

We’re all losing our minds in lockdown – let’s share our frustrations

<p>Ritchie (Olly Alexander) and Jill (Lydia West) in ‘It’s a Sin’</p>
Voices

It’s a Sin devastated me – it was at gay clubs I finally felt accepted

<p>Shappi Khorsandi and Billy Bragg at Glastonbury in 2004</p>
Voices

I’m devastated about Glastonbury, a place I’ve died on and off stage

<p>Connect with those from your past this lockdown</p>
Voices

I’m making connections in lockdown to alleviate loneliness

<p>Glastonbury Festival was one of hundreds similar events cancelled in 2020</p>
Voices

Young people are being robbed of the glorious hedonism we enjoyed

Voices

Young people are being robbed of the glorious hedonism we enjoyed

<p>Glastonbury Festival was one of hundreds similar events cancelled in 2020</p>
<p>Some of the best TV of 2020 - Shappi Khorsandi sees a lot more viewing in her future&nbsp;</p>
Voices

Online comedy gigs and watching TV? Yep, I’m all set for 2021

<p>There have been many changes this year</p>
Voices

We should all look back and be proud of how we have handled this year

<p>Jesy Nelosn has quit Little Mix and who can blame her?</p>
Voices

Good for Jesy Nelson, no amount of fame and wealth makes you fair game

<p>The launch of Halo Code is a significant step in making schools and businesses cease penalising children and employees because of their hair</p>
Voices

Your hair should never be a hindrance to ambition and opportunity

<p>The launch of Halo Code is a significant step in making schools and businesses cease penalising children and employees because of their hair</p>
Voices

Your hair should never be a hindrance to ambition and opportunity

Christmas celebrations will be different for many families in 2020
Voices

This year I’m spending Christmas with the ex and wife-in-law

<p>When you are in the thick of it, it can be almost impossible to call out for help</p>
Voices

The loneliness of parents with young children must be acknowledged

Voices

Priti Patel’s ‘I’m sorry you were upset’ is not a proper apology

<p>Breed apart: the price of French bulldogs has shot up</p>
Voices

Think before you buy a lockdown dog from a hideous puppy farmer

<p>A new breed of satirists used Trump’s own words against him</p>
Voices

Trump didn’t kill satire – he forced comedians to revamp it

<p>Kim Kardashian surprised her ‘closest inner circle with a trip […] where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time’</p>
Voices

While Kim Kardashian was on a private island, I was in Enfield

Shappi Khorsandi: ‘My support network was pulled away from me this spring'
Voices

I’m not saying being a single parent during Covid is difficult but...

The government requires beneficiaries of arts funding to help them with PR
Voices

Arts rescue package awardees should not have to spout Tory propaganda

Retrain wreck: chancellor Rishi Sunak isn't very popular among the arts community
Voices

Rishi Sunak is neglecting the arts and his careers quiz won’t save us

Wheels in motion: we might be seeing a lot more e-scooters on our streets in the coming months
Voices

E-scooters are not a viable mode of transport – into a skip with them

Voices

Without the option of going home, this year’s freshers need support

Voices

Without the option of going home, this year’s freshers need support

Ofcom rejects 24,000 complaints about Diversity dance performance
Voices

Well done Ofcom for defending Diversity from complaints

Virtual stand-up is no match for the real thing
Voices

Online comedy’s fine – but I miss everything about doing live stand-up

File image of passengers arriving at Heathrow Airport in London from Croatia during the coronavirus lockdown.
Voices

Cut your losses now, holidays abroad are a thing of the past

It comes after the service said it was axing more than 150 roles in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland
Voices

Relax, the BBC has a long history of right-wing comedy. I should know

It comes after the service said it was axing more than 150 roles in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland
Voices

Relax, the BBC has a long history of right-wing comedy. I should know

Packed commuter trains were a familiar sight on weekday mornings - but we shouldn't expect to see them again for some time to come
Voices

How I long for an office meeting, a plate of biscuits and some romance

Voices

Our nightmares have become reality – local lockdowns are closing in

The National Theatre wrapped in pink tape as part of a campaign by #scenechange to help bring shows back into production
Voices

As a comic, I need live gigs like a vampire needs blood

Related video: Nigel Farage claims ‘illegal’ immigrants are staying at Bromsgrove Hotel & Spa
Voices

Nigel Farage is not a ‘patriot’. He is a man who lacks compassion

People bask in the sun at Bournemouth beach on 31 July, 2020, the warmest day of the year so far.
Voices

I hate hot weather like this – bring back good old drizzle and misery

Katie Price on ITV's Loose Women
Voices

Puppies are for life and not just for lockdown

The Chase's Shaun Wallace describes racial profiling experiences on Good Morning Britain
Voices

None of us are immune from racial profiling. I've even done it myself

Audience members wait to watch live comedy from Dom Joly at the Drive-In Club venue in London on 3 July, 2020
Voices

Stand-up comedy is not considered an art, so it's being left to die

Voices

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith might be on to something

A major incident was declared after thousands flocked to Bournemouth beach and other stretches of the Dorset coast
Voices

Britain’s obsession with beaches has gone too far – I’d rather stay in

Kate and Rio Ferdinand announce they are expecting a baby
Voices

Why Kate and Rio Ferdinand's baby is inspiring for blended families

Guidance highlighting 'potentially offensive content and language' will feature next to the episode
Voices

Let's not get distracted by Fawlty Towers. There's real work to do

George Floyd protests: the understated peaceful side of the movement
Voices

Racism doesn’t start with beating up black people on the street

Is lockdown harder on the parents or children?
Voices

Myka Stauffer did the right thing by ‘rehoming’ her adoptive son

Voices

We are all responsible for stopping children being bullied

Shakespeare's Globe theatre is facing the risk of insolvency and closure because of the coronavirus pandemic
Voices

It's a tragedy so many small theatres are on the brink

Is lockdown harder on the parents or children?
Voices

Myka Stauffer did the right thing by ‘rehoming’ her adoptive son

Voices

We are all responsible for stopping children being bullied

Shakespeare's Globe theatre is facing the risk of insolvency and closure because of the coronavirus pandemic
Voices

It's a tragedy so many small theatres are on the brink

'You do not become Lana Del Rey without somewhere inside you being steel'
Voices

Lana Del Rey is well within her rights to be protective of her art

Voices

I’m not surprised at the misogynistic complaints about Zoe Ball

Voices

Turns out a lot of things still annoy me in lockdown

David Tennant and Catherine Tate on BBC's Big Night In
Voices

‘The Big Night In’ made online comedy look effortless. It’s not

Related video: Police apologise after reprimanding man for being in his front garden
Voices

The police’s new lockdown guidelines have left me more confused

Police patrol parks to stop people breaching restrictions
Voices

It’s hard now not to imagine everybody parenting better than you

Related video: Edinburgh Fringe funniest joke award winner Olaf Falafel is funny on camera
Voices

Nothing can fill the hole the Fringe will leave in our hearts

When social distancing happened, then lockdown, I was overwhelmed with the pressure of keeping my children’s lives fun
Voices

After five days in lockdown, my kids are the ones parenting me

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