Twitter’s new test feature is much worse than you think

Comparison is the thief of joy, and where better to compare yourself if you’re a nerd with an Instagram-unworthy bod than on Twitter

Twitter, a joyful place that brings out the absolute best in everyone, where even the most innocuous remark is dissected to outrage oblivion, has rolled out a new feature for some users: view count.

Rejoice, our social media overlords have gifted us a shiny, fresh toy! Unfortunately, for the anxiety sufferers and chronic overthinkers and permanently low-self-esteem-havers among us, it’s like getting a lump of coal in your Christmas stocking.

If you’re not one of the lucky few test guinea pigs, I’ll explain. It involves a view count on every tweet. This was already available, yes, but only if you clicked into your tweet analytics. You had to actually, consciously move to see how many people had looked at your tweet overall. The new feature is right next to the actual likes and retweets – so you can weigh the numbers up against each other, whether you want to or not.

Seeing how many people have viewed my objectively insightful, hilarious and valuable observations (LOL) and decided not to engage is wholly depressing. “Hey,” my brain says. “Look at that nice big number. It’s not likes or retweets, it’s the people who saw your tweet and thought you were unfunny and stupid and your content is worthless. Remember that for next time.”

Did you think your latest 280 characters was important or funny or charmingly whimsical? Well, the new Twitter feature is here to disabuse you of that notion.

Comparison is the thief of joy, and where better to compare yourself if you’re a nerd with an Instagram-unworthy bod than on Twitter – where certain voices perhaps best left unamplified (here’s looking at you, Piers Morgan and Dan Wootton) are enhanced to James and the Giant Peach proportions. That other person’s take on the same political gaffe or policy annoucement went viral, while yours languishes with fewer than 50 likes. What is wrong with you?

No longer can I vaguely blame “the algorithm” for low engagement! Now, I can’t get away from the fact that it’s my own, sad, unfunny fault. I’ve even found myself, a very much non-maths person, calculating percentages – like pressing down on a bruise I just can’t leave alone. So only three in 1,000 users thought your latest tweet deserved a “like”? Go and live in a field in the east Midlands where phone signal doesn’t exist and never touch social media again.

Over the last year, I’ve decided to use the platform more sparingly, because my mental health was taking a bit of a hit. Maybe your timeline is filled with dogs being adorably silly and TV spoilers, but I’m a journalist who likes (if that’s the right word) politics. My Twitter feed can sometimes feel like a post-apocalyptic war zone where survivors gnaw blearily on the bones of roadkill. Of course, this is in direct correlation with the political culture we have and the constant, unending shower of objectively awful people being in charge, but back to the point.

Twitter has felt like a largely negative and anxiety-provoking presence in my life for quite a long time now, and it can be far more tense and unhappy-making than fun, amusing or communal. It’s not just abusive replies from strangers, it’s about always comparing, always falling short, always being dissatisfied with a “performance” that I’m definitely not being paid to give – and if the view count is to be believed, not very good at anyway.

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It’s virtually impossible to “protect your energy” – read, look after your emotional wellbeing – on such a mental battery-draining, energy-sapping, “here’s something to be angry about that you didn’t even know existed 30 seconds ago” platform that often appears to be populated exclusively by the worst people on the internet (and I don’t exempt myself from that category).

Delete your account, I hear you cry. Well, I would if there wasn’t the nagging feeling that I need it for work, like literally every single other journalist, and that I’d be setting myself up for the mother of all FOMO once untethered from the Twittersphere. For media and creative industries, cultivating a social media presence is a prerequisite – without it, do you even exist?

A note to the Twitter gods – what would actually be useful is if the platform had fewer fascists and bots and men threatening women with sexual violence. Although, if Elon Musk finally goes through with buying it, Twitter will likely end up a “safe space for the far right”. So there goes that pipe dream.

Twitter doesn’t need to make itself any more anxiety-inducing. It’s already full of accounts with anime avatars telling strangers that they’d be better off not alive and “hot takes” that probably shouldn’t even be shared with people who really, really like you. The dreaded view count is better off buried in the analytics tab, where it belongs.