Unless the Queen wants to leave the UK a withered stump, she should stop the PM’s plan to prorogue parliament now

If she wishes to bequeath the country she inherited to her descendants, she should refuse to be the enabler of the first coup d’etat executed by a sitting government against its people in recorded history

Last night, I dreamed about an audience with the Queen. I ma’amed away with flawless sycophancy and avoided the delicate matter of Prince Andrew and his late friend Jeffrey Epstein.

The topic under discussion was Brexit, though in truth it was a monologue. “Respectfully, ma’am,” I slimed, “I beg you to consider the implications of leaving the EU without a deal. Ma’am? Ma’am?”

She glanced up, smiled that frostily enigmatic smile, and returned her gaze to the Racing Post. “You see, ma’am, you are our last hope. If the prime minister continues on this path, there is every chance that in five years your realm will be reduced from four nations to two.”