Have you made it in life? Not unless you have several gilets and a lawnmower, apparently

If success is measured by materialism, I would hazard that I’m not the only one left lacking

The bucket list to end all bucket lists has been revealed, and with it the jocular quest to check off all 50 – from the positively achievable (No. 49: ‘On first name terms with pub landlord’ – modus operandi: drink more) to the seemingly impossible (No. 42: ‘A golf handicap of under 15’) and the downright bizarre (No. 39: ‘Takes the dog to doggy day care’).

I don’t have a dog, or golf clubs, or an orangery (No. 21), and my heart duly sank as I scanned the checklist and realised that I was on course to answer the question of ‘Have I made it in life?’ with… well, no, actually. I’m rubbish at tennis and live in London – why would I need membership to a racket club, and who could possibly imagine having a 200-yard driveway? What would you do with all that space?

As for a ride-on lawnmower, hot tub and home gym… well, it can be a struggle passing someone in my hallway, or growing more than a tomato plant in the tiny patch of grass that passes for the garden. So unless lawnmowers count as cars and can be driven on the roads then I’m out.

I’m not even sure I know what a lazy Susan is, so can’t claim to have one; my parents kindly donated to me their 15-year-old fridge (spoiler: no ice dispenser) and my Twitter followers lie stagnant below 1,000 (come on, guys! Help me out, here!).

The survey conducted by Synseal, which aims to discover what the person ‘who has it all’ actually has, comes at a time when millions are feeling the bite of austerity more keenly and more painfully than ever before. And it’s only going to get worse – George Osborne’s Autumn Statement this week laid out plans for the lowest levels of national spending in 80 years, with predicted losses of one million public sector jobs by 2020, and further cuts to welfare.

If success is measured by materialism, I would hazard that I’m not the only one left lacking. But if having a nanny or annual ski trips is the only way of measuring life’s ‘worth’ then do we really want it anyway?

For when it comes to ‘having it all’, I may only have scored 3/50, but I do count myself extremely lucky to have family, great friends, a job and somewhere to live. I’ll take those over an Aga, any day (but I’m keeping the gilet).