I've always voted Republican but Trump's behaviour after the midterms disgusts me – so what now?

Born and bred in Oklahoma and with solid views on security and immigration, I know I'm a conservative. But what does that mean in America these days, especially when you're a woman?

I was raised in Oklahoma, a state that has carried a Republican candidate in every presidential election since 1968. And I’m not embarrassed to admit that I love fried chicken and country music, but something in me has changed. I’m not the Republican I’ve always been.

Despite my roots, I’ve started to come around on the whole “moderation thing”. And now that the results from the midterms have rolled in and the dust has settled, I can’t help but wonder—am I a part of the group of women who have started to vote more liberally since Trump became president?

My confusion comes as The New York Times reports that more women have shifted to vote equally Republican and Democrat, rather than in 2016, when more women leaned Republican.

In the past few months, I’ve had to re-examine some of my core beliefs in order to decide who I really wanted to vote for. And in the end, I surprised myself, voting for as many liberal candidates as I did conservative. I even found myself disappointed to see a few Republican candidates defeat their Democrat opponents.

I don’t want to misrepresent myself—I’ve stepped outside of Oklahoma City’s limits. I’ve been exposed to different cultures through travel, and most of my friends are Democrats. Yet I can’t shake some of my conservative beliefs and I don’t want to.

I believe in having national security. To me, that’s just smart. I don’t want illegal immigrants to come into our country, but that’s not to say I’d ever support ripping families apart in efforts to accomplish this. In fact, I think we need to provide massive amounts of opportunity for people to easily come over the border to pursue the American dream. If it's true that Trump has created so many jobs in our economy, we can spare some.

I realise that this doesn't exactly align with true conservative beliefs, but I’m confused what kind of Republican is even normal anymore. Do liberals associate the average Republican with Trump’s values or McCain’s? I don’t want to be associated with men like Trump or Cruz, but I’m not ready or willing to classify myself as a Democrat.

This became all the more apparent during Trump’s press conference following the midterm results yesterday. I was conflicted. In fact, I was physically uncomfortable while he spoke. I realised that Trump may know the economy, but he sure doesn't know women.

By the end of the whole charade, I was disgusted. The president referred to himself in the third person more than once and he had to put down the Obama administration to justify his own success. To me, that’s just not the way a leader should act.

One of the things that made me feel most frustrated was his assumption that most women supported his wall because we want to be “protected”. That’s a pretty big assumption to make in 2018.

That’s not to say that there aren't plenty of hardcore Republican women out there that would agree with President Trump. Take Kellyanne Conway for instance, one of Trump’s most senior advisors. She has said that women “voted the way voters have always voted: on things that affect them, not just things that offend them.”

Well, what about the woman that can do both, voting on issues that matter to them while also keeping in mind other people? As a conservative, I believe I can balance social responsibility and personal preference. I think my girl-brain is capable of it.

More than anything, I don’t think I’m alone. I know there are women who feel embarrassed to say they are Republicans because they worry that their Democratic friends will think they don’t respect other people or themselves.

To this, I say: It’s OK. It’s OK to consider yourself a feminist and a conservative. It’s OK to want tariffs for our country, but not want a wall for national security. It’s OK to not vote a straight ticket.

But it is no longer OK to let our party restrict us or force us into a prejudiced corner just because we voted conservatively in the past. We can feel a range of emotions and entertain a diversity of ideas for a reason. Let’s vote that way.