I’m an amputee and I don’t need Love is Blind to be more body diverse
More disability representation in dating shows could certainly serve as a teachable moment – but why should someone have to learn from reality TV that disabled people deserve love too?
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Just before the pandemic went into full gear, I was engrossed in a new Netflix show, Love is Blind. It took dating shows to the next level as we watched single men and women fall in love and get engaged, all before seeing their partner for the first time.
It sounds quirky, I know, but the premise of the show was to discover if romantic relationships could be successfully forged without physical attraction and other material influences getting in the way. And for several couples, it certainly seemed so.
But as with any reality TV programme, Love is Blind has faced its fair share of criticism. Most notable is the glaringly obvious lack of body diversity, both in the first season which came out in 2020, and the second season which came out this month.
As reported by The Independent, this season does little to highlight those that are plus-sized or disabled, with only slim and able-bodied individuals represented among the main cast.
For a show that aims to prove whether love can truly prevail over physical attraction, it missed the mark on making sure that it had a truly diverse cast who reflected everyday people. You could even say the series somewhat fails to a degree in its own experiment.
Yet, if I’m being completely honest, as an amputee myself, I’m not too sure I want to see a woman who looks like me on dating shows like this.
Yes, I am an advocate for increased diversity, inclusion and representation onscreen. However, the journey towards love and relationships as a disabled person can already be hard enough that I don’t need to be reminded of the difficulties and anxiety whilst bingeing a TV series.
Personally, dating shows are very much an escape for me. They do not serve as a realistic portrayal of finding love and serve more as a point of entertainment than anything. They do not represent my own journey towards finding love. So, perhaps it’s because of how I view dating shows that I am able to disconnect from them and not feel like they need to be completely representative of the outside world.
As it is, I am a woman who lives within several minorities. As a Black woman, I dread seeing other Black women on some of these dating shows because I can already predict how their stories will pan out. While some have had success, I know for the most part they will get picked last and almost certainly won’t win the show if there’s some sort of prize attached to it.
With all this in mind, I certainly can’t go through the same motions and apprehension watching a disabled woman onscreen. And in a way, I think it would be harder as I find myself lonelier in my disability than I do in my Blackness. There’s no one I personally know that has had a similar life experience to me as an amputee, therefore there’s no one that would totally get it.
On a series like Love is Blind, body diversity in cast members would work better, but for a series such as my last summer favourite. Love Island, I believe it would be much harder. The show is mostly based on looks, and when you hear contestants list their preferences and describe their “type”, I doubt someone like me with one leg is on that list.
When dating with a disability, finding someone who will 100 percent accept you for who you are is only the first step to solidifying your relationship. From my experience, there are also wider factors to think about.
Your partner might be ready to say “I do”, but their family may have antiquated views on disability that could make your relationship harder. Or, they may have people within their circle who make off-the-cuff remarks which are offensive to you, but go unnoticed by your partner. Coming from a Nigerian background, I also know that there can sometimes be some cultural biases in terms of how disability is viewed.
It sounds extreme, and you might be thinking you don’t surround yourself with anyone like that, but as a disabled person, I have to be ready to protect myself from ableist views and proceed with caution until I’m completely certain about the people I’m engaging with.
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More disability representation in dating shows could certainly serve as a teachable moment, but it’s one I’m not quite sure I’m ready for. Why should my love story be a teachable moment? Why should someone have to learn from a show that disabled people deserve love too?
Disability is diverse and multi-layered – and I certainly do not speak for all disabled people. I undoubtedly want an increase in disability representation on screen; in particular, I want to see actual disabled people representing the disabled community.
But I would love to get to a point where these conversations don’t need to be had, where the norm is diverse representation that doesn’t feel like a tick-box exercise. But until our societal attitudes change as a whole towards disability, we still have a long way to go.