‘You’re going to need a bigger boat’: Inside (and onboard) the unstoppable trend of monster cruise ships

With the launch of the latest controversial mega-ship, the cruise industry clearly didn’t get the memo that bigger isn’t always better – maybe it’s time for a sea change, writes Jamie Lafferty

The ‘Icon of the Seas’ will be the world’s largest cruise ship (Royal Caribbean International )

It’s thrills you never dared to imagine, and next-level chill you never dreamed possible”; so claims some grammatically questionable blurb on the Icon of the Seas homepage, while computer-generated video of the vast ship loops in the background.

Looking like a rainbow that’s crash-landed on a toppled skyscraper, the Royal Caribbean ship will be the largest cruise vessel ever to take to the sea when it launches next year. It will have 20 decks and twice as many bars and restaurants. There will be seven swimming pools, six water slides, mini-golf, duelling pianos, a surf simulator, an ice rink, dancing fountains and, fairly crucially, a labyrinthine sewage system capable of dealing with the waste of almost 10,000 people. For all its hulking size, it is hard to see where they have left room for “next-level chill”.

At 1,198 feet long, the Icon will be one of the largest vessels in history, ranking behind only a handful of industrial transporters and oil tankers on the list of the world’s most massive ships. If the Titanic is a useful unit of measurement for you, then know that it is five times the size of that doomed ancestor. Maximum capacity – which is rarely expected to be reached – will be 7,600 passengers, around double the number of the ill-fated Costa Concordia, thanks to seven more decks (and hopefully much better luck).