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Your support makes all the difference.In Siberia they tell a story, broadly aimed at convincing youngsters to avoid anti-social behaviour, of a neighbourhood drunk who couldn't wait to relieve himself on the way home from a local bar.
Stopping by a nearby lamp-post in unbearably cold temperatures, the booze-addled man's urine stream froze solid and locked him to the lamp-post, only allowing himself to be freed when a neighbour heard his howls of anguish and came out with a freshly-boiled kettle to melt the stream.
It was, however, too late to save the drunk's appendage and such are the dangers of Siberia; wolves, avalanches and having your penis frozen off.
For Albert Riera, this place is his new reality. Old wives' tale or not, the harsh environment that the former Liverpool and Manchester City winger now faces (-18 degrees as he speaks to The Independent) is virtually the complete opposite of his hometown, beautiful Manacor on the island of Mallorca.
Since helping his boyhood island club win the Copa del Rey in 2003 - knocking out Real Madrid on the way - and leaving Spain, Riera has played for clubs in Italy, England, Greece, Turkey and, most recently, Slovenia. What for most would have been a return home to finish his career with Mallorca in 2015, however, was not the winding-down experience he expected. Instead it reinvigorated Riera's love for football and it spurred him to leave behind island life for something more adventurous.
“I’m Mallorquin, from a very beautiful island but one that I enjoy visiting for holidays, but not for my work," Riera tells The Independent.
“In the future I don’t know what I will do, but for sure it will be related to football because that’s all I’ve done and all I’ve known for the last 17 years as a professional."
Having left Mallorca again, Riera moved to unpronouncable Slovenian side NK Zavrc before transferring to rivals FC Koper, where he would combine a playing position with that of sporting director.
"I took that because it gave me the experience of being a player-sporting director, which is what I would most like to work as when I finish playing," he says.
"But I felt like I was wasting time as I’m still good enough to play for a few more years at a good level and that’s why I decided that this year I wanted to find something interesting."
Interesting, it appears, would become the key word.
The 34-year-old Riera decided to bide his time and assess the offers arriving, and arrive they did. From Bulgaria, Thailand, Finland and around the world there were contracts to make the eyes water and contracts that posed a lot of questions but, ultimately, no contracts that were right.
"I realised I want to enjoy football at 34 years old... so I don’t even look at the money on offer and just think about where I’d be most comfortable.
“In the first part of this season I was without a team, so because my wife is Russian we decided to go to Russia with the kids because we’d only been there once in the last 15 years and that was for 10-15 days, no more.
“The opportunity came up in November with Tom Tomsk, a team in Siberia. I tried out with them and they were very interested but now they have a problem with the federation that prevents them from registering new players until the end of February."
Stranded in Siberia, Riera has his icy fingers crossed for good news in due course.
All being well the former Spanish international's nomadic career will resume in the Russian Premier League, where there will be altogether different challenges to anything he has faced before.
In Tomsk, he will be playing for the most easterly team in Russia's top flight. What this means in practical terms is that an away game against FC Krasnodar, a game they lost 3-0 on the opening day of the season, would be the equivalent of Arsenal travelling to Canada or Guinea-Bissau for a league game, while the average temperature will not get above freezing until April and remains around -17 degrees currently.
It means plenty of family time, plenty of cross-country skiing to keep fit and plenty of time to think, something a pensive Riera is only too happy to do and especially so when it comes to looking back on his career.
“I will never go back and I would never change a single decision I took in that moment. Everything I’ve done, I did because at that moment I thought it was right.
“I’m one of those who thinks that the past is the past and I only like to look forward and be positive.
“My best moment was probably when I signed for Liverpool and at the same time I formed part of the greatest Spain team ever, between 2008 and 2010, but where I enjoyed playing the most was actually Turkey, playing for Galatasaray where I felt very important to the team and won a lot of trophies."
While signing for Liverpool was a wonderful moment for Riera, he left under a cloud with reports of a row with then-manager Rafa Benitez.
But, some seven years later and a more mature thinker, the winger is happy to set the record straight on how he ended up departing Anfield.
“At Liverpool I learnt a lot from one of the best coaches I have had, Rafael Benitez, and the relationship didn’t break down, he simply couldn’t find space for me in the team anymore. At the end of the 2009/10 season I missed out of the squad for the World Cup with Spain and I felt it was his fault but I was wrong.
“With experience I have learnt that the blame is never only with others, you always have to look at yourself in the mirror and think about what you could have done better."
Mellowed by experience, Riera is not looking too far ahead. But there is still no end in sight for his long, winding career.
“If it all gets resolved I will be playing [for Tomsk] and if not then I will keep looking for other options to keep playing.
“While I keep playing, my wife supports everything I do always and whatever I decide is best for my career.
“After football there will always be time to decide if we will live in Mallorca, Madrid, Russia or even anywhere else.”
For the man who traded Spanish sun for Siberian snow, that really could be anywhere.
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