Stan Hey: 6-5 Against

Fast-forward to a dream bet on England

Only two days into the Ashes Experience and I'm already feeling disoriented.

Snacking on bacon sandwiches at 2am is normal, but tucking into scones and jam at 4.30am is weird.

Fitful sleep patterns are distorting reality – does Kevin Pietersen look like Basil Fawlty? Once, when listening in bed to a Test in India, I fell asleep with David Gower on 38 not out. Waking an hour later the radio reported that Gower was now 31 not out. I wondered how he'd gone backwards in time, when the traditional explanation came to mind – an England collapse, and they were now following on. At least that can't happen in Brisbane.

Trying to stay on English time today should be worthwhile with the Hennessy Gold Cup at Newbury and the England rugby team's last match of a highly promising autumn series.

We've won twice – on the handicap against the All Blacks, and at 6-4 against the Australians. The profits are not going on today's match against South Africa, but on England ante-post for the 2011 World Cup at 11-1 with Stan James – £20.

I'm favourite-bashing in the Hennessy too, opposing Denman with Weird Al, £20 win at 6-1 with Ladbrokes; and Victor Chandler's 3-1 for Liverpool to beat Spurs tomorrow is too big a price to ignore – £10 win.

More nocturnal stuff – San Diego visit Indianapolis in tomorrow's late game and can maintain their hoodoo over the Colts – £10 win, 11-8 Boylesports. Sleep well.