Stella's porn star parade fails the taste test

Would it be funny, do you think, to wear a pair of trousers with the cockney rhyming words "Bottle & Glass" cut out across the bottom to expose your derrière? Could you see yourself wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with the word "Bristols" and cut so short that it reveals your breasts? How about a T-shirt dress that says "Slippery When Wet"?

Stella McCartney thinks it is funny. That's fine. But Stella McCartney also thinks it is fashion, which it is not. Lined up along the mirrored bronze set, more reminiscent of a lap-dancing venue, were the usual suspects. Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills rolled up, as did Jude Law, Sadie Frost, Dennis Hopper, Chrissie Hynde, Jay Jopling, Sam Taylor-Wood and Gary Hume. However, while the audience may have rocked, the clothes certainly did not.

This was supposed to be Stella McCartney's big moment; the Paris debut of her own-name house, funded by the Gucci Group which bought her name for an undisclosed sum – said to be worth millions – earlier this year.

So where were all the signature pieces on which she made her name at the house of Chlöe? The clever mixture of girlish vintage clothes and body-conscious tailoring that made her a hit with the twentysomething crowd had all but disappeared. In their place were some of the most shockingly tasteless ensembles yet seen on a Paris catwalk: electric blue lace body stockings, yellow lace swimming costumes, and knickers screaming the word "Wet".

The collection, no doubt intended to appeal to pop divas, since almost every model was armed with a huge plastic guitar case, is more likely to go down a storm with porn queens. It is doubtful whether even porn star, or anyone else for that matter, would want to wear a pair of neon-yellow satin trousers shaped like a nappy – surely the ultimate passion-killer.

After the slouching tunics printed with monsters, a couple of tacky black lace body stockings and sequinned tunics and leggings, came the final outfit: a cream satin bridal trenchcoat baring the words "Trouble and Strife".

Perhaps a more fitting message for the outfit and the whole fashion collection would have been: "Pony and Trap".