Man faces online abuse after taking wife's surname on getting married

Couple told to 'go die in a car crash' by social media trolls

Grant and Jade Philips (Grant Philips/Instagram)

A man who took his wife’s surname when they married has revealed the torrent of "foul" online abuse he received after sharing the news on social media.

Grant Philips, nee Davis, decided together with his wife, Jade Philips that they would share her surname to allow it to continue. Mrs Philips was the last in her family line, as one of two girls with no male siblings or cousins. They planned to pass the surname on to their future children.

But since revealing the name change on Facebook, Mr Philips, who lives in Australia, said he has received dozens of abusive messages from strangers.

He told The Independent: “We have been given everything from’ go die in a car accident,’ to ‘go kill yourself’. One said ‘I hope your wife has several miscarriages as way of God punishing you’. The Australian men have said childish things like ‘do you wear a tampon? I think it is a really sad sign of the times that this has made so much noise.”

The 30-year-old felt the anonymity granted by social media allowed online trolls to thrive. “It surprises me that people feel the need to take time out their day to find me on Facebook at send me these messages,” he said. “When you remove identity from an opinion it becomes scary territory where people can throw hand grenades and not be held accountable. I know they wouldn’t say it to my face.”

But while both Mr and Mrs Philips, were “shocked” by the abusive messages, he added: “Neither of us takes the comments personally as we feel these people writing them clearly have their own issues. “

He believes some people fear anything they thought was “breaking tradition”, at a time when “women’s rights have a huge spotlight on it” and when “in Australia we have only just voted in gay marriage”.

He shared one particularly unpleasant comment on Instagram to expose it. It said: “What sort of man takes his wives name... I hope you and your w***e a wife die in a car crash so that your genes don’t contonue.” [sic]

Plenty of supportive responses poured in, with people branding him and his wife “trailblazers” and urging them to “ignore the haters”.

But while he did not respond to all comments, he said he did forward on one particularly hateful missive to the wife of the sender, to expose the way he was behaving online - and said she had been "disgusted" by it. To another, he wrote back to say it was “hurtful” to be on the receiving end of his comments, and received an apology. “He said I’m sorry I will delete it,” Mr Philips said.

The Sydney-based couple, who married in November, mutually made the decision to both take Jade’s surname. “It was just was private decision between me and my wife. I have several male cousins so the name has already been handed on,” Mr Philips said.

“We really wanted the same family name and we didn’t like the sound of hyphenating the surname. My wife was the last in her line for that family name and the name meant a lot to her father.”

The dedicated husband was surprised that the decision has sparked such a large reaction and he reminded people that he was not the first to do this. “You look back and even Prince Philip took the Queen's surname. It has been done before,” he said.

Mr Philips originally put up a Facebook post about the name change late last year, after friends struggled to find him on the social media site, he explained. He posted at the time: “I know a lot of people have the perception that a man taking his wife’s name is somewhat emasculating… Each to their own I guess. I, on the other hand, believe this is a sad perspective based on an understanding of an outdated tradition which centres around ownership."