`The pressure and confusion are terrible'

KRYSTYNA HAYWOOD, a 30-year-old office manager from Sheffield, has wanted to change sex for the past 10 years.

Although physically a male, she has spent the last two years receiving hormonal treatment and living as a woman, and has three recommendations from medical experts that she should have surgery. But her local health authority only performs one or two sex-change operations a year, so Ms Haywood may have to wait years to have the surgery done on the NHS.

"I am 15th on the list, which means I could be waiting 15 years," she said. "I am desperate to have the operation so that I can get on with my life. At this rate I could be 50 before the process is complete, and most of my life will be behind me.

I have known all my life that I was different and believe it is to do with hormonal changes in the womb." She had a twin sister who was stillborn.

"Even as a little boy I used to always want to be mum and wear the skirt when we played house. The other boys often used to protect me from rougher games and bullying."

When she was 14, Ms Haywood decided to join the army cadets.

"I was trying to prove that I could be a man and toughen myself up," she said. "But it was one of the worst experiences of my life."

"Up to the age of 19 I was in denial. It is very difficult to be transsexual, the social pressure and confusion are terrible. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."

Ms Haywood has had three girlfriends but said the relationships did not last more than a couple of weeks.

Dr Frada Eskin, deputy director of public health at Sheffield Health Authority, said yesterday that the authority had met Ms Haywood, and the policy of funding only one or two operations a year was being changed to help clear the backlog of transsexuals on its waiting list.

Cherry Norton