Read their lips...

"Why don't you shut up?"

King Juan Carlos of Spain replies to the Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez, after Chavez called Spain's former PM Jos María Aznar a "fascist" at a summit in Chile.

"If you have no eggs, you have no omelette, and it also depends on the quality of the eggs... Some are more expensive than others and they give you better omelettes. Sometimes the class-one eggs are not in Waitrose so you don't go there."

Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho on his September injury crisis.

"I've had worse press than a paedophile... and I've done nothing but charity for 20 years."

Heather Mills attacks the media from the GMTV sofa.

"There is no political significance in his decision to do so."

A Conservative spokesman on David Cameron's decision to start parting his hair on the left instead of the right.

"On that basis you'd shoot half the population of Notting Hill."

John Humphrys responding to the suggestion that Jean Charles de Menezes' shooting mattered less because he might have had some cocaine in his blood.

"I will follow Osama bin Laden to the gates of hell and I will shoot him with your products."

US presidential hopeful John McCain visits a small-weapons manufacturer.

"More on the Northern wreck Rock story later."

Huw Edwards makes a slip on BBC news.

"I do Third World, I've been doing [it] since 1994."

Naomi Campbell on why she's raising money for the UK flood appeal.

"Before the bag was even open, the smell... unbelievably strong... And it is completely different to... [laughter]. I think I'll stop there."

David Cameron attending an arrest for drug possession.

"Prison would be a bore, but... endurable."

Conrad Black after being jailed for fraud and obstructing justice.

"My children are doing me in history now."

David Trimble

"What's the point in growing old if you can't hound and persecute the young?"

Kenneth Clarke

"I should point out that the other sister is still single."

Lembit Opik tells the House of Commons about his relationship with one half of the twin pop act The Cheeky Girls.

"If celebrity is a credit card, then I'm using it."

George Clooney, on forming a foundation with his Ocean's Thirteen co-stars Matt Damon and Brad Pitt to help victims in Darfur. It raised more than $9m (4.5m) in one night.

"I used to act dumb. That act is no longer cute. Now, I would like to make a difference... God has given me this... chance."

Paris Hilton, via phone, from jail.

"I never thought he was a racist. I just thought he was a fat, white bastard."

Sir Trevor McDonald on Bernard Manning.

"I don't understand the language. I don't understand what a website is."

Judge Peter Openshaw presiding over a trial of three men accused of internet terror offences.

"Taking your clothes off, doing sexy dancing and marrying a rich footballer must be gratifying; your mother must be so proud."

Lily Allen responds to Cheryl Cole, who had called her a "chick with a dick".

"If you ask me what I actually do to earn my consultancy, I'd have to tell you, in all honesty, not very much."

Bob Kiley, Ken Livingstone's transport guru, on his 737,500-a-year salary.

"I'm not being braggadocious."

P Diddy tells The Independent that he's had more chart success than any other hip-hop producer.

"If Prime Minister Sharon had lived... he is dead, isn't he?"

Kim Howells, Foreign minister.

"I don't think we'll miss you."

Cherie Blair bids farewell to the media.

"Am I to blame for his leaving? I don't know."

George Bush on Tony Blair's departure

"A first killing is like your first love. You never forget it."

Alexander Pichushkin, Russia's 'Chessboard Killer', who was convicted of 48 murders.

"I always thought of Dumbledore as gay."

J K Rowling lets a wizard out of the closet.

"Oh, Christ."

Doris Lessing receives the news that she had won the Nobel Prize for Literature.

"Now listen to me! You were not there at the beginning of the interview! You were not there!"

BBC reporter John Sweeney loses his cool during a documentary on Scientology.

"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow."

Keith Richards

"Could you double-check the envelope?"

Martin Scorsese is named best director at the Oscars for The Departed, 26 years after his first nomination.

"I'm worth a thousand BBC journalists."

Jonathan Ross at the Comedy Awards.

"She is skinny as anything... and looks like she has come from a concentration camp."

Mitch Winehouse, on his daughter Amy.

"Aren't people rightly asking now: 'Is this man... not cut out for the job?'"

David Cameron on Gordon Brown after the Northern Rock episode, the funding crisis, and the disappearing discs.

"There are some similarities, of course... Death is terrible."

Bush comparing the war in Iraq to the Vietnam War.

"We don't have homosexuals."

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, on a visit to Columbia University.

"Less dressy? What do you think THIS is?"

The Queen on being asked by Annie Leibovitz to remove her crown for a shoot.

"I ask you to accept one thing. Hand on heart, I did what I thought was right."

Blair announces his resignation.

Compiled by Simon Usborne