Nigel Farage claims Russell Brand straightened his chest hair before Question Time

The two rallied against one another in last night’s BBC panel show

Russell Brand, second from left, described Nigel Farage, far right, as a 'poundshop Enoch Powell' on Question Time (BBC)

Nigel Farage has offered an unpleasant, discomforting image for us all this morning.

The Ukip leader, also now known as “Enoch Powell” thanks to a new Russell Brand-created nickname, has claimed that his Question Time adversary straightened his chest hair prior to the BBC one show yesterday.

Writing for the Voices section of The Independent, Farage described last night’s spectacular clash as “formulaic” and Brand’s alleged grooming regime in harrowing detail.

WE WATCHED QUESTION TIME SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO...

“Everyone fancied that Mr Brand and I might butt heads, but actually, as we entered the studio, and his personal make-up artist straightened his chest hair for him, I kid you not, I realised that perhaps he might be a bit lighter weight than expected,” wrote Farage.

“For all Mr Brand’s posturing, he was really quite limp. Maybe it was the chapstick that his make-up artist applied to his lips at the last moment, but he didn’t seem to utter a word of sense.”

The show discussed corrupt MPs, immigration, grammar schools and why Brand hadn’t decided to stand as an MP himself.

Unsurprisingly, Farage was unimpressed by the comedian’s much-publicised opinions on voting. Brand famously refuses to vote until there is a party that he feels represents his beliefs.

The Ukip leader says that, ultimately, he was disappointed by Brand’s alleged lack of substance.

“But I know what you’re really reading this to hear,” he concluded. “And that’s my take on Russell Brand. The leader of the revolution. The messiah of hipster, new media. The doyen of stock statements and half-funny jokes. Well I’ll tell you what I found out tonight: the messiah has feet of clay, and the revolution is not occurring on Mr Brand’s side – it’s happening with UKIP, and it’s happening fast.”